c'est la vie

First in 2012

2012-01-14T21:30:00.005+08:00

After some time of being at home and drowning myself with boredom, got the chance to spend quality time with colleagues after shift. Was with Jops, Ja, Leigh and Lyan.

Good talk. Good laugh. Good company. Thank you Lord for this :-)

Unplanned gimmicks,as they say, tend to be more fulfilling. And yes it true indeed!

Here we go Tagaytay!

Thanks to Buon Giorno!

>

OH! This is my first post for this year! More good vibey!!!!

Im missing us...

2011-10-12T17:05:00.002+08:00

Lyrics | Mariah Carey lyrics - Angels Cry lyrics

He shared this song to me back then. Never thought that the lines would actually sing what my heart feels right at this moment.

Every line of this song is for you Jason...

I know our life together has never been easy. Still I want you to know how much I treasure everything that we have been through. I hope it's not too late...

I miss you... and I miss US

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

2011-10-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

Sad song...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/james-blunt-lyrics/goodbye-my-lover-lyrics.html ]
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in my mind.
In my mind when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Outro (2x)
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Hold On by Side A Band

2011-10-04T14:04:00.001+08:00

I know I over reacted. I know I shouldnt have said things I didnt really mean.

Im so sorry...

Please dont put US into waste :-(

Choices, Decisions and Consequences

2011-08-31T09:03:00.007+08:00

I've seen this statement on a friend's Facebook wall and it suddenly hit me hard how I've managed to live my life.

CHOICES: You are faced with a lot of choices in life. From the time that you open your eyes for a new day, you choose whether to hover in bed a little longer or should you get up to do your daily routine. Simple as it may seem, this is just an example of the choices that you make.

Choices may also be complicated, to the extent that you have to consider the feelings of others or the welfare of your beloved. These choices may also put you on a spot where you cant decide which of which should you opt to. Dilemma-when both or all choices laid on the table seem worthwhile and beneficial.

After the mind boggling series of questions on what choice to select, you, with a brave heart and soul, would finally decide which decision or path to take. In one way or the other, you've thought so hard about the if's and but's of it. You may have also considered emotions, time, background, foresight and so on and so forth.

What could be tough in decision-making? It may not be the best option to all people concerned. It can be a selfish cry to let other people allow you to decide on your own and respect your decision. It may entail big commitments, life-changing paradigm or a bigger picture of what life means for you.

Ideally, your decision should work the way that you have created in your mind or as what you may have expected. But not all decisions can be right. Not all decisions are carefully thought of. Not all of them are planned intelligently. Sooner or later, outside forces(yeah, outside and negative forces!), may come to ruin that perfect world that you have imagined. Breaking down the walls of your security and burning the garden of your happiness until it has turned into ashes.

Stunned by the moment of truth, you persist. Futile attempts are then made to revive what has been lost. Gathering all the strength that you have and succumbing to the last straw of hope. But can it be revived? Would it all be worth it? Would it be closer to reality this time?

Consequently, your decision may turn you into a mess. Wrong decisions may put you in that awkward moment or in a no-way-out situation... And this may have been avoided had it been that you have looked outside of scenario.

But it's not bad news all the time. There are good decisions too that end up with lasting results for you and the people that matters to you.With this, you would feel that you have overcome the strongest of the strongest and would lift you in the pedestal. Because you have made the right decision.

That is life... We choose. We decide. We face the consequence. At the end of the day, you must learn from the consequence of your decision. Otherwise, you might be a victim again of your impulsive decisions... then history would repeat itself.

I have had so many decisions that led me nowhere but there have been some that took me to where I am now. Though I may not be entirely happy with how things have become, I'm still proud... and I will continue to look at the brighter side of this thing called LIFE!

7 Days More and 10 Days to Savor!

2011-07-17T09:01:00.000+08:00

It is indeed 7 days from today and I will be seeing my sister again! Who would not be excited?!! It has been a year since she left. Finally we will be complete again! Can't wait...

And yeah, after that we will have 10 days to catch up and make another day memorable. Too bad I can't be on leave while she is here. :-(

Welcome Back sis!!!

Am I Still Inlove?

2011-07-11T08:12:00.002+08:00

I hate to post this question actually, because people might really think that I'm screwed. Or that I am not thinking straight. Truth of the matter is, I'm both.

How would you really know that you are still into him?

After being apart for more or less 2 weeks, I've somehow learned how to deal with my daily routine without him on my side. Though there were days that I would still get stuck with some thoughts of him, I could say I was brave to shrug it off.

Yes, I do miss him. But when I start realizing what may happen in the future really disappoints me.

I am not the mistress. I am not the other woman. I am not the one who is destroying a family. I just happen to be attached to a guy whose ex is using their kid to push him not to be in any relationship. Bull crap?! Yes I think it is!

I am not really far from how the ex is feeling right now. I've been there. I have also fought for me and my kid. I have wanted to have a complete family. I was even on the verge of accepting the title, "His Mistress" just so that my kid would grow up with his dad. But that was not the only thing that mattered at that time. I had to redeem my self. I had to prove that I am more that he thought. That it was his lost not mine.

Apparently, with his situation, he is allowing his ex to run his life. The life that he alone should be dealing with. He should be sharing his responsibilities to the kid and still live the life that he deserves. But this is not what's happening...

Any moment, when the girl finds out that he is hanging out with his girlfriend, he may not see his kid. How cruel can that be? Are you supposed to do that to your kid? Are you supposed to deprive your kid of something that he needs? Just because of your selfish thoughts and feelings? Think about it girl, it's your kid's life... not your life! How can you take your kid away from what makes him happy? And how can u take your ex's freedom away? Is that fair?

Then again... I have an option to step out of the picture, I know. However, I am at the point where I cant decide if I should or if I can. I want to fight for us. But will he be doing the same? I don't want to give up. But will he be strong enough not to give up on me? He has given me up once... twice... and yeah, I know there'll be the third time... And I hate to see that day. But I hate to think that I have not fought this battle. That I have not taken the risk.

So I guess, that answers my question. :P

Goodbye June!

2011-07-01T08:49:00.004+08:00

The month has just ended. But the events that unfolded has not...

Training is still ongoing. This is good! More training classes means more people to meet. Teaching what they ought to do is just superficial, I want to influence more people... to be better. Moreover, I get to learn a lot of things from them too! And this what makes me more excited about the people that I meet. Though I must admit, I envy my colleagues who are being trained now for the new system. Can't wait for my turn!

End of another relationship. This is not really something new, right? But what is different in this case is that we didn't fight. We didn't have issues (or just based from the way I see it!). I guess some things are just out of your control and you have to decide on what really matters to you or to your partner.

The end of June means seeing my sister again! Oh yeah! She is gonna fly back to the Philippines on the 3rd week of July and will be spending time with her again. This means we're gonna be complete again!!! Wohooo! Uhmmm.... what should I ask for "pasalubong"? Naaah! Just your presence is good, Sis!

Have u noticed it? It's the middle of the year! Wow!!! 6 months more and we're about to end another year. I'm not trying to rush things here, I am just excited to receive my 13th month, waheheh!!!

Let me end this post with my favorite song for this month - by Katherine Mcphee. Click here:
Terrified

It Was Different

2011-05-29T08:23:00.002+08:00

(This is something I've written way back March, when we had our first kiss...)

the way you kissed me this morning was insane.
i remember how it felt when i first had my real kiss.
my stomach was churning and my skin was on its end.
i felt every move of your tongue and the warmth that comes with it.

i've already forgotten how to kiss with intense desire
i've been numbed for so long on how it felt to be touched
i've been longing all this time to be caressed with love
and i've never wanted to be with someone just as much as i want you

i want u forever jason, if there is such a thing

please take me all of me... my shortcomings and my frailties.
love me not only because of but also despite my being...
Cuz i know this heart of mine yearns for you and your love
and my soul sees through in your eyes....

I Love U MJV

On Raising a Child... Alone

2011-02-14T11:18:00.007+08:00

11 years ago, I had an unwanted pregnancy. I was in my second year in college and was very active in our club and with my studies. I was part of the student council during college and I was a member of the Maharlika Dance Troupe (PUP's Cultural Dance Group). So to speak, I was very famous but not really hot, aheheh.

Anyway, then it happened...

I had to stop from studying for a year. I didn't want to go to school with my big belly. I didn't want people talking how I got pregnant when they didn’t really see me and my boyfriend together most of the time. Yes, our relationship was not really something neither I or the people around me had expected.

They said being pregnant is not a choice. It is not an option whether to keep the baby or not. It is a responsibility. Whether you are ready for it or not, you have to take it.
I was bounded to humiliation. I also got scared. Everything was uncertain. I didn’t know how I would be able to finish my studies once I give birth. I didn’t know how to tell my mom. I didn’t know how I would be providing for my baby’s needs.
And I was not ready to be a mom…

But like what true friends would always say, God will never give me something I cannot bear. I took all the courage and faced my pregnancy.
I took a part time job until I gave birth. I had to work as a part time instructor in a Technical School. If I remember it correctly, they paid me Php25.00 per hour. Not enough for my regular check up and my vitamins and not enough for me to save for my hospital bills once I deliver my kid. But I survived. Thanks to the Government Health Center. Thanks to the midwife who witnessed my labor pains and stitched my wound.

After some months, I went back to school. Everything was different. I had to go to a class where everyone was a stranger. I had to stop being a member of the dance group. I also had to decline the proposal to run the student council . I didn’t have time in my hands. I had a different priority already.
To make things worse for me, my boyfriend (at that time) and I had a rift. It was another cross for me to bear. Another shot of humiliation. After fighting for us and for my feelings, I had to give up. He married another woman whom he had also impregnated. I can’t describe how excruciating the pain was. All I remember was, I was at his house on his wedding day and I cried in his arms before he left to see his wife-to-be.

I struggled… emotionally and psychologically. I lost my self esteem. I believed that people had thought less of me. My paranoia killed my relationships and I jumped from one relationship to another. I even thought of taking my life just to end the pain and the hardship.

Despite these, I had to be a mom. This was what had moved me to continue life. My life is not my own the moment I delivered him to this world. It was not his fault that my life had to be difficult. So life must go on…

My life as a mom was really challenging. It took me a while to accept that I am a single mom. There were times that I could not tell my friends or suitors that I had a kid. There were days as well when I would choose to go out with friends instead of baby-sitting. Aside from this, I could not provide a lot of the things that he needed as a kid. My presence was an issue since I worked at night so we spent less time together. I was not financially stable that I could not afford to send him to a good school or even pay for a private tutor. I could not squander for a grand celebration of his birthday every year. I could not buy all the toys that he wished for and so many other things…
But all throughout these years, there are two things I’m happy about me being a mom… That I am gifted with the most supportive and understanding Mom and sister, and that I am gifted with the sweetest and loveable son.
I will never forget how, during my trying times, I was surrounded by prayers and encouraging words from my mom; how my sister shared her stories in life and taught me how to be a better me. My kid on the other hand didn’t push for his wants. He would understand if I would tell him that we couldn’t buy the toy he wanted because I could not afford it. He would not also ask for money all the time, may it be for his school allowance or for ‘meryenda’. He would just be contented with the sandwich and chocolate drink that I would store in his lunch box.

At his age, you would think he may have grown insensitive and a bit cold. But he is not. In fact, he is now concerned on how our future would be once he finishes college and be ready to get married. I remember during one of our conversations, he cried while asking me “What if I can’t take care of you when you’re old because I don’t have a good job? What if I can’t visit you when you’re in the hospital?” Sweet? I would say that is LOVE.

Whenever I would go back to the time that I learned that I was pregnant, I would always remember how I have thought twice on keeping my baby. But looking at how he has grown up and how I have molded him to be a good boy makes me realize how glad am I that I didn't listen to the evil voice. I am grateful that I took responsibility and didn't falter in spite of.

Time may have already changed some of the things right now. But one thing remains, he is the reason why I am here and he will always be my little baby.

Me and the only man in my life

Why Did I Dream of You?

2011-02-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

I usually get up late during the week ends. Thanks to my body clock! I always have to be up while everyone else is sleeping and when it’s dusk I am doozing off.

That’s my routine. I must admit it is getting a bit boring so sometimes I have to go out with my colleagues or with my kid if time and budget permits *wink.

Anyway, I was surprised that after roughly a year, I woke up a bit puzzled. Why? Because I dreamed of this guy…

Most of the things I wrote in this blog was because of him. I felt the grandest love with him and I must say I fell for him… head over heels…

But that was a year ago. After the pain of not ending up together, the family arguments, the cultural differences and everything, I had made up my mind that it was never worth it after all. There were days that I would still ask my self “ What if I disobeyed my parents and chose to be with him?”.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people have given up everything for L-O-V-E. And these people may have regrets for following their hearts but I know there are some who are as delighted as they can be for doing so. Whatever their case may be, it must have been very tough for them to follow what they feel.

So going back, I saw him once again… in my dreams. This time we were not as a couple. The reason of him being in my dreams was not vivid. All I can remember was, he was there. He was with us in this place that we rented. But he had a separate room. We stole a moment and embraced. He cried. We both cried. I guess he missed me. When I said I loved him he said “NO!” and continued crying.

I remember asking him if he was still staying in that place until he left the country. I wanted to stay and just like the first time, be with him all the time. I couldn’t let go of the thought that I had to leave him there… alone.

When I woke up, again, I was surprised. Then I realized, it has been a year now. When we hurt each other… when I felt the most painful goodbye over SMS. When I felt that I was underestimated by the same person who had lifted me to the highest heights. The same person who said he would FIX ME.

I fought for him. I was ready to live my life with him, despite the objections from my family. But I was insulted. I never thought that the courage that I had during that time to be with him, would mean that I was using him as an escape from my mother’s wings.

His family was also against us. I guess their culture had really created a big GAP between us. I cant blame them. This guy lived his life by the book and I didn’t.

Dreaming of him last night brought all those pains and hurtful memories back again. It didn’t hurt me the way it did before but I could remember the heartache it brought me. It somehow reminded me how much I have believed in his words and his promises-that he didn’t intend to keep. He may not know how much he had caused me but I know he chose not to be with me because he knew he cant be happy with me… and with my past…

Missing In Action

2011-02-06T22:45:00.002+08:00

Yes, I've been away from the blogging world. I must admit my work has taken so much from me that I rarely had the time to compose my thoughts and bring it into words. But lately, I feel like tinkering with my ideas and thinking of a new topic to blog about.

Let me see where I can start...

Von Viajero's Blog: Anyone Interested?

2010-10-31T07:14:00.001+08:00

just helping out my frend...

Von Viajero's Blog: Anyone Interested?: "Okay, not to me... (yuck, kapal!!!) Haha. But to this equipment. It's a Studio 3 all-in-one work-out equipment. I am selling this and if yo..."

Somewhere Down the Road

2010-10-24T11:05:00.001+08:00

Originally sung by B. Manilow.

This song often reminds me how much I have wished I would still end up with my EX. But truth of the matter is, he wont. He never will. Because he has already done his part in my life. All I have to do now is to learn the lesson from my past and hopefully gain the courage to face the reality that we are never meant to be...

The Time Has Come

2010-06-26T22:01:00.003+08:00

After 2 years and 6 months of being a teammate in our company I have finally been promoted!

It was indeed good news. And it was a position in the company that I have always dreamed to have but has never thought that I would have the chance.

Things happened so fast. And I must say that everything came as a surprise.

It all started with an interview that was never mentioned to us til the very day of the interview. I was even half awake when I read the message. Funny thing was, I didnt realize that I was an hour an a half away from the scheduled interview! You wouldnt believe how I made it on the interview!

The following day, I was notified that I was short listed! This was already a big achievement for me! Truth of the matter is, I have never been short listed before. So for me, this was already a gift. At least I have proven somehow that I have an edge.

I arrived two hours before the schedule. Of course I have to prepare and have the correct mind setting before I fought in the war; before I face these people who will judge me and will gauge my skills if I would be appropriate for the position. I honestly think I am not really good in impressing people and I am not good in selling my self to the extent of boasting.. I am scared that they would have a negative impression of me. I guess that applies for everyone.

But anyway, I had to wait for 5 hours for my turn. Yes. 5 long hours. 5 hours of anticipating. 5 hours of strong throbbing of my heart. 5 hours of cold and sweating hands. 5 hours of thinking how I should present my self.

For every applicant, one hour was the least that was given to prove what u got.

I was the 6^th out of the 7 who got short listed. And when my turn came, all I had in mind was just to have the discussion end and carry on with my life.

I must admit I was overwhelmed with the responses I have received after the interview. I must also say that the sincerity of what I said during that time exuded that it got so apparent that the panel of interviewers need not to question.

I have received positive feedback. Not to mention that some has even called me or sent me a message just to let me know how impressed they were. Modesty aside, they even said that it was only with me that they clapped their hands just to show how impressed they were with me.

I had to wait for a week. A week that felt longer than the usual.

The big day has finally arrived. The day that declared I am now a trainer!

Yup, I am now a trainer. Like what I have mentioned earlier, I have never thought that I would be one. For me, it is a position that is highly classified. Big wing position.

Big thanks to my TL, James Leyson, my mentor. For the last couple of years, he has molded me to be what I am today. Your leadership has been exceptional that I am looking up to you.

To my significant other, DKA. You are my lucky charm I guess aheheh.:P

To my family, for all the support. I may have not been always there for you and I know I have to make it up to all of you big time. And I'm sorry for all my shortcomings.

And to God, thanks for hearing my prayers. And big thanks for giving me this gift.... the skill to teach.

This is just the beginning....

Christmas '09

2010-05-09T08:33:00.001+08:00

This has been loooong overdue!

But since I have made a promise to my blog that I will be posting about how my Christmas went, then I have to post these pics.

Better late than never, aheheh!!!

Christmas gifts from friends and family

My niece Alych and my god daughter Leigh with brother EG Boy

Picture below shows me with my nieces Alych and Aleeia, my son Asejia.

Again EG boy and Leigh

Christmas '09 is sharing...

2010-05-09T08:31:00.002+08:00

This year I shared!!! :-)

I have really prepared something for those kids who will be dropping by to ask for gifts. Honestly this is the first time that I will be doing this.

I guess my son like the idea so he woke up early to help me out.

See him in his PJ's ahehehe!!!

Coaching and Traning

2010-05-08T17:42:00.005+08:00

I'm now on my second month!

Been fortunate enough to be selected as one of the coaches for the new hires in our company. And I must say that I was lucky to handle 2 classes.

What's so special about it?

Aside from the fact that I got the chance to be off the phone for 2 months, I was also able to play an important role in displaying and inculcating the "Culture" in our work place. This comes as the primary responsibility of the coach in every training class. Second is of course to disseminate the process and procedure in terms of our line of business.

I am truly happy for this oppurtunity. I must say that not every one gets the chance to be a coach. And with all honesty, I hope this would help me as well to improve more on my leadership.

Goodluck to my Class!!!!

Sun Kissed!

2010-04-03T08:32:00.013+08:00

It may be a little bit late for me to post about my summer escapade but I will be posting it anyway. :D This is actually the first time that I had a looong vacation with friends. I'm talking about 5 days of nothing but fun, water and sun. We stayed at La Carmela for the rest of the vacation. And most of the time, we were out in the sun and we just come to our room to change clothes, aheheh! Anyway, on our first day we tried the ZORB. I am not really an adrenaline junkie but since I was pushed by my friends, I had no choice but to succumb! We tried the extreme type, where in your body will just be attached in the inside of this huge inflatable wall and you will come rolling down the hill! Imagine how many times you would be going in circles and feel your body touching the ground!!! I will be honest with you here, I really felt my body ached after the ride.

Here I am efore the ride. See me scared as sh*t!!!

Here is a snip of the Zorb ride.

Big Mouth for Lunch!

With Aldrin (Hazel's hubby) and Hazel trying our biggie drinks.

Boracay trip is not complete without a mark, Henna time!

Another thing we tried in Boracay is the Reef Walking. I guess it's just 15 feet underwater and it's not really that scary... Not unless you're claustrophobic. I must say I got little scared at first. I was thinking, what if I won't be able to breathe upon wearing that helmet? What if the helmet floated and leaves my head? What if a shark suddenly pops up? Of course, none of those happened. It's just the result of my great imagination, aheheh! We stayed underwater for 30 minutes. And yes it is something that is worth my PHP 500.00!!! It was only the weight of the helmet that I can't help... But of course it becomes bearable under the water. :D

Here's the video of our Marine Walk

Now to end this post, see the blissful peace of the water in Boracay....

Will certainly miss the place and the memories....

Can't Make You Love Me - my version

2010-03-28T05:43:00.003+08:00

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don’t patronize
Don’t patronize me

‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
And I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

I’ll close my eyes and then I won’t see
The love you do not feel, when you’re holding me
Morning will come, and I’ll do what’s right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

And I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no, you won’t
And I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

How I Wish...

2010-03-25T10:59:00.003+08:00

How I Wish.....

I can see your face

touch your cheeks

and run my fingers through your hair

look straight to your eyes

and get lost in the dream....

How I Wish....

I can smell the fragrance of your presence

and feel the warmth of your hands on my shoulder

See through the wonders of your smiles

and wander through the vast emptiness

of the love that had been.

How I Wish...

My words would be filled with meaning

to inspire my thoughts

Conceal the pain of the past

and decipher what the future beholds.

How I Wish...

That my hands would fit yours everytime we touch

would complement the difference of our worlds.

Forget the traces of our history

and face the hurdles of destiny with great bravery...

How I Wish ...

But sadly dreams don't come true....

Poetic Side of Him

2010-03-17T13:07:00.004+08:00

Drown me in your hazel eyes enigma

Jaded me in your black hair ringlet

Put your charm spells in my sleep

Put your insanity spells in my dreams

Who needs awakening ?

Who needs asleep ?

And you are back

And you are here .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Now with you and me

I feel whole once more

Together in eternity

Forget what it is for

I think I'd hide away

If you ever said goodbye

I think I'd lose myself

No more reasons to ask why.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

JUST SMILE

Your smile makes me feel happy,

gives me a warm glow inside,

makes the day seem lighter

and drama to subside.

so my happy queen
lighten up all you serious ones,
lighten up all you important ones,
lighten up all you forever ones,

and smile away your cares,

you give me one,
you'll get one free,

resolve to be happy,

spread cheer to me and dears,
drama are one mind exclusive
smile are life of joy exclusive
that’s why smile are contagious, not tears.

------------------------------------------------------------------

REIGN OF LOVE

Reign of love

I can’t let go

Reign of love

I believe in you
To the sea I offer

This heavy load
But the sea
said go to the lord lord

oh lord
I’m just a prisoner

In a reign of love
Please help me
lord
oh lord
this Reign of love

By the church
By the mosques
my knees go praying
Don't you see me praying
Please help me
Lord.. lord hear me praying
I am waiting for my

Reign of love

lord
oh lord
How I wish I'd lived
I'd lifted
I'd raised
I'd felt
I'd understood
my Reign of love

lord
oh lord
I miss her
I never thinking of a girl in this obsess
You can judge meIf you know her so well

lord
oh lord
That girl, that girl She's mine
lord
oh lord
I miss her

I am sorry

New Crib Update

2010-02-14T00:48:00.013+08:00

Yes we have finally moved in the new house (which has actually caused me to be in Hiatus in the internet world for almost a month! Thanks to PLDT's slow customer sevice and service update! )

Anyhow, let me give you a glimpse of how that house actually looked like a day before we transferred.

Here is where you would see how this house looked like before we moved in.

This is actually my mom's idea. She took care of everything... from the paper works to the last nail in this house. It was such an accomplishment to see how it turned out. My dad is glad to see the big change in the house. That despite of the fact that we were not anticipating this at all, we were able to share what we can share to be able to finish this project. And that includes our finances.

It was not only the finances that hit us real hard. There were some people who we thought would help us out in this project turned out to take advantage of my mom's kindness. In the end we had to pay twice for the construction since first one didn't do the job right and purchasing cans of paints and bags of cements that we didn't see being applied in the house. But nowhere to be found.

I guess that will be the little lesson learned out of this experience Ü

Soon I will be posting the pictures when we got in already and when the house already looks like a home. You know how chaotic it is to move in right? Believe me, I don't know how we got through it aheheh!

Feel free to visit me!!!

UPDATE!!!

2010-01-02T06:49:00.003+08:00

I kept my word!

I am proud to say that for the last 6 months of the year 2009, I have kept my promise not to be in any kind of relationship.

The time to redeem my self from the wreckage had to end.

I have to end it.

Though it would be hypocrite for me to say that I am totally over.

But at least I tried to find my self even thru pain.

It would still need more time to completely heal the scars... I dont even know if it would be healed. Nevertheless, I know I have done something right for my self.

At this point, all I can do is just pray. Pray that I won't commit the same mistakes again. Pray that I wouldn't stumble at every rock that I trip on. Pray that I wont falter on every test of faith from Him.

And I pray that this year, will be my year!

Yahooo!!!!

2010-01-02T06:35:00.001+08:00

After so many years of wanting and wishing to have one, finally here it is!

I am not really a fan of Starbucks coffee because I find it a bit expensive for coffee. But at times, when pressure and loneliness dwell, it becomes worth it! :D

Have to save this space to thank my friends who contributed to this success (Wahehehe!!) Raine, Hazel, Kaye, Eric and Sherrie.

Jiltedsummer Welcomes Back TL

2009-12-31T12:30:00.005+08:00

Sa wakas

After months of being away from the blogosphere...

TL is finally back!

But

Di na sya single!

At di na rin sya Crazy Life!

It's now McBee!!!!

Welcome Back!!!

2009-12-30T04:35:00.002+08:00

Sticks and stones can break your bones

if there's anger to impart;

spiteful words can hurt your feelings

but silence breaks your heart

Wedding and Reunion

2009-12-27T04:37:00.006+08:00

Sa mga di nakapunta sa wedding ni Topher, you missed the fun and the joy we witnessed during the celebration! Bleah!
December 26, 2009, Manila Cathedral, Intramuros. It was a perfect weather for a wedding. Pero bago tayo mapunta sa kasal, marameng bloopers ang nangyari.

Meeting place is in Balibago, Jolibee. After waiting for Arcee, Hennie, Mel and Rose we decided to pick Vina at her place. Ang Vina, di sinipot ng make up artist na dapat mag memake up kay Issey, her daughter, since kasama sya sa entourage. Kaya ang Vina, 6am nangatok ng parlor in their subdivision. And guess what! Nakakita sya ng parlor na slightly open na that very early. Eto ang catch, di sya talaga parlor! Barber shop sya na half parlor! Wahehehe!!! Buti na lang, may bading na stay in dun. Ginising nun mama un bading at sinabi na may customer sya at ayun, mega tayo ang bading at pagkalabas ng maliit na kurtina, may hawak ng blower si bading!!! Taraan!!! Walang hilamos at walang mumog mumog!!! Wahehehe!!!

Di na pede magpakachoosy si Vina at wala na syang choice, kaya ayun. Samakatuwid, naayusan naman si Issey. Good grief!

Habang naghihintay kame ng tropa sa bahay ni Vina, biglang nagtext sakin si Alex. On the way na daw sya. Since wala na kame sa Jollibee, sabi ko dumerecho na lang sya sa Walter Mart, at dun na lang namen sya pipick up-in dahil nakaalis na nga kame sa Jollibee Balibago at mas madali since malapit dun sa place nina Vina. Alam nyo ba ang sagot nya sakin? " Sang Walter yan? May Walter Mart ba sa Pacita?"

Nagpapatawa ata itong si Alex. So sinagot ko sya, "Sino naman may sabi sayo sa Pacita ang meeting place?". At ang shocking revelation, " IKAW!!! Tinext mo sakin kagabi sa Jollibee Pacita!!"

Nanginig ang katawan ko sa sobrang pagkashock! Napa OMG ako to the highest level! Ako pala ang may sala! Di ko man maalala na un ang tinext ko, di ko rin makita sa sent items ko na un nga ang message ko. Then na realize ko na pupungas pungas pa ako nun nagsasagot ako ng text messages yesterday. Tulog nga kase ako ng pasko. Ahehehe. No choice tuloy kame kung di balikan si Alex sa may Southwoods at dun na lang sya pick up-in.

Malinaw na sana ang usapan, sa toll gate siya baba. After 5 minutes of waiting, we called her up. On the way na daw sya. Kung ano anong subdivision na nga daw ang dinadaanan nya. So kampante na kame. After 5 minutes, wala pa rin ang Alex. Tinawagan ulet namen. Shet! Cannot be reached na! Eto ang second OMG ko to the highest level!!! It was almost 8 am and we couldnt bear to wait that long dahil 9 am ang wedding. 3 na kame kumukontak sa kanya. Talagang patay pa rin ang phone nya.

Nagpakatulala muna ako. Habang naghihintay ng Alex na bumungad sa harapan ko, nagiisip din ako kung hihintayin pa nga rin namen sya. Hanggang sa, nakatanggap ako ng text from her. Ang lola pala ay nakasakay sa jeep na pa-Alabang! Hindi yan dadaan ng Southwoods! Another OMG!!! Ahahaha!!

At dahil dito, nauna na lang kame at si Alex nagcommute na lang to Intramuros.

Nagkita kita rin kame pagdating sa simbahan. Ito na ang reunion.

L to R: Me, Alex, Rose, Hennie, Issey and Vina

L to R: Mel, Rose, Me, Henry, Issey, Hennie and Vina

L to R: Vina, Mel, Hennie, Issey, Henry, Rose and Arcee.

First row: Henry's mom, Hennie and Mel, Rose, Alex and Vina.
Second row: Me, Arcee, Gladie with Gaea and hubby Alvin.

L to R: Henry, Hennie, Mel, Rose and Alex

Pagkatapos ng Sakalan, este Kasalan derecho kame sa reception - sa Ilustrado. So Spanish right?

Dito nagkahiwahiwalay na kame. Naunahan na kase kame kaya no choice kung di makisingit na lang sa mga mga bakante. But at least kasama ko pa rin si Vina.Pagkatapos ng kainan. Balik sa tradition, ang Wedding garter.

Ang catch, kailangan nilang mag limbo!!! So patigasan ng tuhod ito!!! Aheheh!!! Ang Arcee, magaling tumakas, nakapuslit!!!

This is Jake, trying his luck!

Sa mga girls naman, may twist din. "Hep! hep! Hooray!" naman ang game. Pero this time, "Chris" and "Marie" ang sasabihin. So eto kameng lahat ng "contestants" with the bride.

And guess what? Nakalusot ako! Buti na lang nakapagpractice ako sa office kapag may ganitong game!! Ahaha!!! Kinarir ko ba talaga? Hmmm... Di naman, di ako masyado pinagdiskitahan ni ateng host e. When we were down to 3 na... ito na ang drama...

Kailangan hilahin ang ribbon sa bouquet ni bride. Sa 3 ribbon na yan, isa lang talaga ang nakadikit sa bouquet. Effort si ateng nasa right sa paghila di ba? Ahehehe!!! Ako, nagdadasal na ako jan... na sana wag ako!

At ang kinalabasan...

Tadaan!!!

Ako ang biktima!!!

Di pa jan natapos yan... May ganitong eksena pa!

At ng natapos na ang ganitong kaganapan, more bonding na kame with the groom. Nagalisan na ang lahat ng tao pero naiwan pa kame... at nilamutak namen ang wedding cake!!!

There you go. It was really worth it. Actually, kahit na pauwi na kame sobrang saya pa rin namin. We started reminiscing our high school days and we got the chance to update ourselves with the latest. Bitin pa nga e. Walang traffic kase kaya saglit lang byahe namen. Sana magkaroon pa ng maraming ganito. And prove that our friendship can stand the test of time.

Season Greetings

2009-12-25T17:28:00.002+08:00

I spent half of the day sleeping because I have work last night. But I hope it's not too late to greet the world a very Merry Christmas.

Most of you may have spent your Christmas with your family and relatives. Usually it is during this season that you get to spend time with them so I really hope you were able to have that good talk and felt the spirit of the season.

Again, Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

Nursing Dad

2009-12-23T08:41:00.008+08:00

It was dad's third time to be confined in the hospital for this year and it has been always the same concern; shortness of breath. During his confinement, mom and I took turns on nursing him. Most of the time, I would find my self asleep. (What do you expect since I go straight to the hospital after work!) But this time made a difference...

Why?

Because....

There's a pc!!!:D

See me playing Farmville? Aheheh!!!

So while the nurses were busy busting in every hour I didn't get irritated for disturbing my sleep. Cuz I wasn't asleep at all!

The nurses were scanning his legs here. Belive me, this took 2 hours!!!

My Folks.

We stayed in the hospital for 4 days. He felt better but I know we would still have future visits here in the hospital. I just hope he would take the doctor's advice to stop smoking.

The New Crib

2009-12-16T06:41:00.014+08:00

Soon, we will be leaving this old house. Did I hear you say "again"? Ahehehe... Funny truth is yes, we will be leaving this house and will finally be housed in a home that is completely ours! Another funny thing is that we will still be living in the same subdivision. Which would mean that we have moved 3 times within the same village!Weird? Nah. We just love the place and we found ourselves comfortable with it. Even the kid's school is near the area so it is really accessible.

Compared to where we are residing, the house itself is a bit smaller since the back of the house has not been constructed and is not included in the number of rooms. Although the new house has a garage and a little garden.

Recently, we found ourselves busy sorting stuff already. Since the house where we are moving to is smaller, we have to make sure that the things that we would be bringing wouldn't eat up all the space in the house.

This part is a bit hard for me. Remember that I'm a pack rat?

Let me show you some pics of the new house:

The front view of the house

Still the front view.

This would be me and my son's room. What is the color? Ahehehe!!! Tough part is all my curtains and bedsheets are green.

This is my folk's room. The biggest room of course.

The cabinet in Alych's room.

The living room. Color is peach. Tiles compliment the color of the wall.

The view from the living room.

Kitchen. Seriously I dont know if we are going to keep this color. I hope not!

The extra kitchen, called the dirty kitchen.

This is the door that would lead to mom and dad's room in the future.

Uhmm... Garage?

The little garden

Second week of January is the date. We are starting our new year at the new crib. Hope that it would bring good luck. Excited? Definitely...

Happy Holidays at Work

2009-12-12T10:47:00.004+08:00

I am not ranting. But yeah sometimes can't help but think how call center representatives, customer service agents or whatever who might want to call it celebrate their holidays when there is a high need to be at work. It would just be a coincidence if your rest days fall on the dates of the merriment.

I can still recall my very first year as an agent, when I had to celebrate Christmas at work. The company provided free lunch but not have a party when the clock strikes 12mn. Still we had to consume 1 hour lunch and go back to our stations, no extra time to call family and friends to greet them.

Also, my first New Year celebration in the same company, we had free lunch for an hour and again no extra time to make personal phone calls. This time, we witnessed the fireworks in the area and we were amazed how it looked like from where our building stands. I remember that at one time, I placed the call on hold and rushed through the big window to watch the wonderful colors of the fireworks and also to hear the loud bang followed by a spread of light in the sky.

In my entire career as a CSR, it was only last year that I had the chance to be with my family. We were indeed lucky because our rest days fell on these dates.

For this year though, it will be another year like the first time. When the clock strikes 12, I would be saying my greetings to my colleagues. I would not be able to witness the smile at my son and niece's face as they open my gifts for them. My son has been long asking for him to open the gift but I impose patience. Good thing that my son obeys me ☺. I have filed for a leave for Christmas but the status is still pending. I can't think of any ways then to be with my family if my leave would not be approved. Most companies implement a strict compliance in terms of attendance on these critical days. And being away from work without any reason would mean a sanction that would be kept in our 201 file as long as we are with the company. Sucks right?

It saddens me to think that parents like me cannot be with our loved ones on these days that only happen once a year. You're not even sure that the next time these celebration come, you may have your chance to be with them again. This is honestly one of the disadvantages of working in a call center. Despite its perks, it also takes away your time to be with your family even on regular days since you have a different day and night compared to the normal schedule.

Again, I am not ranting. But I hope someday I would have the choice to be with my family.

A Night with Her

2009-12-12T10:28:00.002+08:00

You may have already read a post here about my bestfriends. Despite my busy scheds, I still have the longing to be with them even for just a short while to keep the relationship burning. After a lot of postponement, I finally had the chance to visit her... and her twins!!!

She is 3 months on the way and yes she is having a twins!

Aside from that, they have just moved to their new house! New life with new kids being expected, I guess she is very happy of all the things life's giving her.

Isn't she really lucky?

Godmother to Uno

2009-12-11T13:18:00.014+08:00

It is a common practice in our country to celebrate a child's baptism. This is honestly the third time that I was asked to be one of the godmothers and attended the ceremony.

This time I am a godmother to a baby boy!

Welcome Uno Joaquin to the Christian World!!!

Together with a few colleagues, we witnessed the ceremony where baby Uno was baptised by water. According to the Bible, the symbolism of baptism declares that three things happen to believers who are baptized: (1) they die with Christ to their old self; (2) they rise with Christ to become a new creature; and (3) they are incorporated in their new life with a living community which looks for the coming of the Lord (Romans 6:1-11). Water Baptism.

Another part of the ceremony is the lighting of candles by the godfathers and godmothers. It demonstrates that the light it gives off is the light of Christ. The candle represents Jesus Christ, who said of himself, "I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life." (John 8:12). Candle Lighting

With Yron and Abi.

Together with all Godmothers: (L-R) Kaye, Hazel's friend, Aldrin (Uno's dad), Hazel (Uno's mom), ME,Hazel's friend, Abi and Roxee.

Of course I have my big boy with me to witness the ceremony as well.

After the ceremony, can't wait to play with baby Uno! See baby Uno opened his mouth like I did!!!

And this makes it official, that Hazel and me are now "Magkumare"!!!

What is the Difference?

2009-11-24T07:12:00.005+08:00

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between moving on and letting go?

Surely we may have heard these ideas more than you can possibly think of. You may have heard your self saying this to a friend with whom you empathize. Or you might have heard a few good friends say this to you when you've had the difficult time in your life when a relationship has ended. Time and again, these two come hand in hand. But do you actually know how to differentiate one from the eother?

I want to share my piece on this matter. I myself got so confused how to state my piece. I might be wrong but I can always take suggestions.

Moving on for me is life after the relationship. It is like putting old stuff in a box. Stuff that you know won't be necessary for your day to day existence. Putting things that won't do no good anymore but has to be kept either for future use or if you may have to share these things to anyone. This box is sealed and kept in the stock room.

It is the acceptance that the relationship is good but not good enough to last. It is the understanding that the person's purpose in your life is to teach you a lesson. That once the lesson has been taught, the person has to leave since he or she has already served his or her purpose(S). It is to fully embrace the fact that a door has closed and is no longer going to be opened anymore.

Letting go on the other hand is partly the same as the first example that I have cited; putting things in a place but this time, it is not placed somewhere that can't be seen. You have set aside these stuff but is still within your reach.

It is the understanding that the other person is not a good match for you but still at the back of your mind you cannot believe that this person is not the perfect one for you. It can be the releasing of emotions and memories in the ocean wide but a river is still dwelling from within. From time to time, this river flows at the sight of an object that brings back the good times you two have spent. Or any thing that may remind you of your partner. It is also an acceptance but this time, just the acceptance that the relationship is over but you still keep the feelings for your ex.

Let us apply a little bit of motion here;

Moving on is moving from one place to another. It is a step or steps away from where you were. Definitely a step better.

Letting go then is like throwing things away from you but you are still where you are at the time of the release. No movement. Stagnant.

Does that make sense???

Now... When do you say that you have moved on? Or let go? Where do you think you are right now?

Let me share a quote about moving on. "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

To end this post, I will share to you a secret. My deepest secret. I have let go.... but sadly I have not moved on...

Dig

2009-10-26T03:54:00.002+08:00

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

I am not really into rock or alternative songs but somehow this song has caught my attention.

I like the first stanza and the line "Remind me that we'll always have each other When everything else is gone. "

This song is for you Jammeh...

Thanks Jay for sharing this song. Thanks Incubus for another meaningful song.

Open your Eyes

2009-10-23T03:34:00.004+08:00

Open your eyes and look me in the eye
Which happens to be the soul of my entirety
See how the pain and the hurt wander
Thru the vast emptiness of the life that has been.

Do you see your self in my eyes?
There's no doubt you would see
how I've seen our love that was
that the radiance of each word you've uttered
Swept me and brought me to a world of our own.

Open your eyes and see me in the dark
How your complexities and pride
have brought me so much pain in life.
Groping on thin air I beg
Reaching out to that final thread of hope.

You used to be my inspiration
Life brought me to you to create this fantasy
Moments had served its purpose
And made a deep mark in my entire being.

But now its the pain that I had with you
That inspires me.
Inspires me to lock my self up in this dark and empty room
Grasping the air that I can breathe
Got my self crumpled and motionless
Head down and hopeless to the new tomorrow.

Open your eyes my dear
You know far more better than me
Know how this heart felt alive again with you.
It is yearning for you and for your love
If only you will open your eyes for me.

Project Runway (Protege Style)

2009-10-21T09:27:00.003+08:00

More and more pics from the Fashionista Project in our team. These are the shots on the final week. Worth the effort for me!

How Things can go Crazy with Hazel

2009-10-21T08:43:00.001+08:00

It is seldom that you would meet a person who would have wits and humor in one person. That if situation calls for it, a person can shift to a good listener and advisor and can draw a smile in your face when things need to lighten up. These are just a few things that I have witnessed with Hazel. She has a lot to say. But always makes sense. That's why I enjoy being with her. I love her company. I love her. :-)

The Sweetest....

2009-10-21T02:05:00.003+08:00

When *** Met jiLL

When I see you

When we talk not speak

I will not say I am sorry for being busy

I will not say I am sorry for being perfect

I will not say I am sorry for preferring my business

and work over any other matter in the world

I will not say I am sorry for being unpredictable

I will not say I am sorry for being crazy

I will not say I am sorry for being fastidious!

I will say I miss you my Beautiful dawn

I miss your voice

I miss your smile

I miss your hair .

I guess some things just never change while others still remain the same

Life is void without you my Beautiful dawn

People are shadows without you my Beautiful dawn

My friends are daily routines without you my Beautiful dawn

My sleep is awaken without you my Beautiful dawn

My happiness is embarrassed without you my Beautiful dawn

All roads in my mind are in one direction … To you my Beautiful dawn .

My world is not the same without you

No matter how hard I try to forget you

No matter how hard I try to ignore you

No matter how hard I try to let you go.

You're still the vigilant thoughts

that strike my sense when I open the doors of my mind.

There is no place like home

There is no place like your heart

In a little while this hurt will hurt no more

In a little while

I will be home.

Gusto ko nang Magresign!!!

2009-10-08T06:12:00.003+08:00

Sa work?

Hinde noh!!!

Gusto ko nang magresign sa pagiging kaibigan mo.

Baket?

Masyado mo ako minamaliit. Oo nga't marami kang maipagmamalaki hindi lang sa akin pati na rin sa buong mundo pero kailangan mo bang ipamukha sa amin?

Hindi ako nakaranas sa iyo ng usapan na may sense. Alam mo ba un tipong paulit ulit na topic na wala namang essence?

Puro bulok ang lumalabas na salita sa bibig mo. Bulok din ba ang laman ng jutaks mo? Sa Payatas ka na lang tumira. Bagay ka dun.

Cge... Ipagnuknukan mo sa buong mundo na magaling ka. Ikaw na ang bida. Wala ng tatalo sa iyo. Hindi ka pwedeng kontrahin. Ka level mo ba si Einstein sa IQ?

Hindi ba maganda ang kinalabasan? Bakit? Nasan ka ba nun kinailangan ko ng payo? Tinulungan mo ba ako mag isip? Hindi.

Kung wala ka rin lang makitang maganda sa isang tao, manahimik ka na lang. Wag mo na engganyohin ang tao na jumoin sa level ng utak mo.

Mayaman ka pala. Wag ka na magtrabaho! Hindi mo kailangan ng trabaho kung mayaman ka. Hayaan mo na lang un ibang naghahanap ng trabaho na kumuha ng posisyon mo.

Ikaw ba may ari ng Orocan group of companies? Panalo kase pagkaplastic mo eh. Tinalo mo si Lastikman.

Hindi na kita matake!!!!

I'M FILING MY IRREVOCABLE RESIGNATION EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

Note:
Ang mga salita at pangyayari sa post na ito ay mga kathang isip lamang at walang katotohanan. Ito ay epekto lang ng ilang araw na walang magawa. Ahehehe!!!

ONNI

2009-10-03T13:43:00.004+08:00

This is the Korean word for SISTER.

Anyway, my sister deserves a special post in my blog on her special day, her birthday!

I honestly do not recall the last time that we had the chance to celebrate our birthdays together. Being that she is always away, what we only expect from each other are birthday greetings over the phone or thru SMS, or just receiving gifts from a box.

Sad reality is, there would be another year, and another year and sadly another year that we won't be together during our birthdays. Actually I am not certain as to when she would really be home. She has plans of her own which I think are better than mine.

So to my dear sis...

Much as I wanted to have you here by our side, I know that the plans that you have made are not selfish and is for the good of the family. I cannot thank you enough for being such a great sister to me. From being a straightforward advisor to a perfect accomplice. You got me covered not only once. Ahehehe!!!

We only have each other sis... Aside from our kids and our parents. Let it be known that I will always be here. May not the best sis but you know that you can always count on me.

If we grow up alone with our kids, I hope we would be like Auntie Conching and our Grandma, who stood by each other until their last breath.

May you always be blessed for all the good things you've done. Sarangheyo!

--Lost--

2009-10-03T13:29:00.003+08:00

Lost in the blogsphere.

Lost connection for more than two weeks. Before Ondoy got his wrath in the country, the rain that poured out on Wednesday, Sept 16 got our roof so messed up. Flood didn't come from the outisde but in the inside of the house!!!

Since the room where the computer is located got busted, my poor pc got all the water. :-(

Days after that were boring... and I felt like I miss it like crazy!!!

Finally today, everything is back up... and here I am trying to make up for the lost time! Miss my restaurant in Facebook! ahehehe!!!

I won't rant about how bad I felt during those days that I don't have access to the net, because as most of you may have already known, there were thousands of people who had worse cases than I do.

Just sooo sooo thankful that this was all that happened to me.

I am also thankful to the thoughtful friends I have.... Thanks for your thoughts!!!

Now.... here I come!

Make Believe

2009-09-28T08:07:00.002+08:00

Consciously or not, we may have been into a situation where in we assume more than what reality offers. We may have done it for some reasons; make ourselves happy, content or just merely helping ourselves out with anything that goes along. We may have done it intentionally or unintentionally and at times, it ends up chaotic because assumptions and premeditated conclusions has never been a healthy factor in making any relationship work.

Make believes are just mere assumptions. It is where one of the two has taken the relationship more seriously than the other. Or it may have been where a person thinks that they have this special attention or relationship. Moreover, one of the people involved in this thing may have just been a victim of this serious deceit.

Let me share some make believe stories that I have heard from friends:

Situation 1:
Have been an active poster in one of the forums based here in the phils. I met Ms. Witty who has been very accommodating and friendly. She introduced me to Mr. Traveler, a Filipino who is based somewhere in Asia. The two became my friends. Ms. Witty has shared a lot of things to me. I became her confidante which I am very flattered about. Not long after a few exchange of conversations, she mentioned that she had a huge crush on Mr. Traveler. This I could not deny because he is really full of life. Next thing I know was that she has been doing all the necessary attempts to get close to him. From exchange of SMS, international calls, gifts, and even visiting the country where Mr. Traveler is!!! Isn’t that such a great effort?!!! Now why would u think the girl would be exerting such an effort? It’s simply because she was under the impression that they have a mutual understanding or a special relationship. Being a friend to both, I am happy with the fact they might have really liked each other. But the day came when I had the chance to talk to Mr. Traveler and being the nosey person that I was, I tried to get some confirmation regarding the status of their relationship. That was when he got surprised that Ms. Witty has been maliciously spreading the news that they are a “thing”. As a woman, I tried not to believe it at first because I would like to believe that Ms. Witty has all the necessary evidence to prove what she had been claiming. However, conversation with Mr. Traveler has been a straight NO. Confused as I was, I didn’t try to debate on what was going on with them or not but this is really a MAKE BELIEVE. Apparently, on the girl’s part.

Situation 2:
A friend of mine is the no. 2. They guy is still living with his wife and superficially doing well as a married couple. The relationship with no.2 has been a secret for more than 2 years and they seemed to be so happy with their status. The girl was even boasting that they guy would be readily leaving the wife once the relationship has been revealed. This promise might have been the only reason why no.2 stocked to the relationship. The guy has even been claiming that she had more time with no.2 rather than with the wife. This might have given no.2 the assurance that she is the one that the guy really needs in his life. But like any other dark secrets, it was revealed on the time that no one had expected. As soon as the wife learned about the infidelity, the two has been out of contact. No.2 was bombarded with all the words that an angry wife could give. And without any word of goodbye or any thing that will suffice the hurtful words that she had received from the wife, the guy took off. Sadly, no words of comfort nor assurance of what the future would hold for them had been heard from the guy. So indifferent. And this I would say is another MAKE BELIEVE. Again, on the girl’s part.

Situation 3:
True as it seems, there are relationships that would really have to end. Whether it’s because of lost of love, recurring misunderstandings or complete lost of trust. But how would you believe that it was love after all when the relationship ended in just a flick of a finger. It may be hard to comprehend that it was indeed love that made these two people fall for each other and become the reason for them to be together for quite some time.

I would say that there had been some manifestations that they were in love but would you believe it was love when the other didn’t try hard enough to fight for the relationship?

I have seen a few friends with whom, despite the shortcomings from either of them or both; that despite some issues with trust and even some hurdles on the relationship, both has tried their best to save the love…BECAUSE THERE IS LOVE.

Now the prominent question is raised, do you think there was love when the other didn’t attempt to save the relationship? That despite of the effort to save the relationship by the other partner, it was futile and had not proven anything.

This may seem to be another MAKE BELIEVE…. Make believe that it was love. Make believe that they had been a couple. And make believe that he really has good intentions for you.

Make believes are very treacherous. And would cause not only an emotional trauma but also psychological trauma to the people involved. In this case, the victim would be on the verge of losing his or her self confidence and question the reality if he or she is still a good piece or a good piece of junk. Most importantly, if that person would be able to redeem his or her self after the hurtful experience.

Making someone believe of what is not is complete deceit. Hopefully, none of you has experienced any of this.

To end this, let me share a line from the movie Hancock , “Fate doesn’t decide on everything. People get to choose”.

Second Time...

2009-09-19T05:32:00.005+08:00

Yup... This is the second time...

Second time that I lost my celphone....

Back in April you might have seen my post about how I was able to retrieve my phone.

And here you go, 5 months after. And yet, I was (again) able to retrieve it.

How it happened?

My son and I were on our way to his school to get his card. I gave him the new phone because I was using the old phone since there was a little prob with the new phone so I had to use the old one. On our way home he didn't realize that he didn't have the phone anymore. So there....

My mom and I didn't just let it go. Though I was already half hearted that the driver would be admitting that he had seen the phone. We had to go out and checked all the tricycle terminals and asked about it. Even if it meant lack of sleep since I have work that night. What's in it for the driver? A reward... another thousand out of my pocket!!!

Our effort was not futile though. Later that afternoon, one of the drivers that we had spoken to earlier paid us a visit and handed over the phone. Which was really a surprise! Who would have thought that he would rather have the reward when the phone's price is more than that?

This has made me realize not all people are really into the money. That somehow some people still have the conscience and a good heart.

Thankful that I am, I am humbled by these people.

Hopeful that more people would be having the same heart.

May God always bless these people....

Mom's Rotary Induction

2009-09-19T04:48:00.005+08:00

It has just been barely six months when my mom rejoined the Rotary Club (Mixed). Her first membership was with Biñan, Laguna where it was part of the job that was given to her when she was still a college instructor in Trimex Computer School back in the late 90's.

Since her heart is into community service, rejoining the club was not part of any job requirements. This time, it was her motive and passion that moved her to rejoin despite the different responsibilities she has to attend to at home and her business. This however didn't stop her.

People from their organization might have seen this passion and so have elected her to be the next president for 2009-2010.

Held on September 14, 2009, Edsa Pavillion San Pedro Laguna. Attended by aprroximately 50 Rotarians and Rotaracts who bore as witnesses to my mom's big VIOLET day!

The new and outgoing president of San Pedro East

L to R: Norivic Solidum, my mom, Chit Lijauco, and the outgoing president

With the entire family and the Rotary Club Officers

The Ladies

Oathtaking of new set of officers

The entire family before the party

This would mean a lot of responsibilities, hurdles and dilemma not only for my mom but to entire family. Regardless, we will be supporting my mom whatever the cause may be. This is not only for her but for all the people who would be needing Rotary's help. Besides, the group is based on community service. Wish you the best mom!!!

My Slumbook

2009-09-18T06:52:00.003+08:00

Old School huh?

Namiss ko lang yata mag fill out ng ganitong questionnaire. Kapag nakatapos ka na kase ng pagaaral, kundi bio date, resume, assessment, observation, survey, appraisal at kung ano ano pang work-related na issue na ang pinagsasagutan mo. So for a change, magbablast in the past ako at magpapaka corny muna.

Name:Andrea (I really don't prefer people calling me by this name)

Nick: Drey

Birthday: Aug 10 (don't mind the year)

Birthplace: Manila

Occupation: BPO Industry

Fave Past time: FB, Blogging, Forums and a little chatting

Fave Books: Paulo Coelho

Fave Song(s): If I believe, Fix you, Already gone, One in a million and Meet me Halfway

Fave Sports: Tabletennis, Swimming and Badminton

Fave Color: Violet

Fave Food: Beef Casserole, Chicken or Beef Curry, Pizza and Pasta

What attracts you most? - Wits, eyes and sweetness

What's a big turn off for you? - Conceited, Insensitive and Indifferent

Is love blind? - YES!!!!

Are you currently dating? - No.

If there's one thing that you could change what could be it? - My beliefs and perception in relationships.

Biggest Dream: To finally settle with someone I wont have a hard time adjusting and be able to find a place to call my own. To bear kids who would grow up molded and honed to be better people.

Anything else you would like me to add????

A New Me - Fashionista!!!

2009-09-18T05:47:00.003+08:00

Nah... I really didn't mean that I'm a Fashionista. Because technically, I don't go shopping for expensive clothes, bags or shoes. Shopping is not even a habit for me. I'm not like other girls who can't last a week without a having a new apparel. That's just not me. I guess when you're a single mom priorities change as well as your passion to dress up.

Anyway, my being Fashionista here is just about being able to strike a pose. :-) Usually, I just wear a smile whenever there's a chance to be on cam, but thanks to my supportive friends for looping me into a different world of camwhoring...

See these...

Me and Hazel: Getting ready for the photoshoot. Is this metallic blue eyeshadow? Goes well with red shirt huh?

Practice pose. Not bad.

Trying hard not to smile. Whew!

And here are some of the shots taken. Enjoy!

Carwash girls?
White and Wet

Widow

So tell me, do you think I can be a good model?

BUKING!!!

2009-08-20T05:10:00.004+08:00

Kakornihan minsan kung iisipin na isang tao sa edad ko para magdiary pa. Ewan ko... Nakasanayan ko na yata. Simula ata grade 6 ako, nakaugalian ko na magdiary. Lalo na kapag may lovelife ako or may someone special, gusto ko naisusulat ko siya. Katwiran ko, minsan gusto kong balikan ang mga masasayang alaala at kung anu ano pang nangyari sa akin. Un mga kilig moments, un mga oras na humahanap at gumagawa ka ng paraan para lang mapansin ka nya, etc etc. Nakakatawa pa nga kase kapag binabalikan ko, may mga English barok pa ako. Pero paano kung sa di inaasahang pagkakataon e may makabasa ng diary na ito?

Malapit sa buhay ko ang nakabasa ng diary ko. Pero siya un taong di ko inaasahang magbabasa nito. At sa lahat ng taong pwedeng makabasa nito, wag sya. Kase malalaman nya lahat ng baho ko, lahat ng kasinungalingan ko at lahat ng kalokohan ko.

Sino???

Ang mudra ko!!!

Paano ko nalaman? Sa ate ko. Sa kanya naibuhos ng nanay ko ang lahat ng inis. Dahil nalaman nya na nagsinungaling ako sa kanya at nagawa ko sya lokohin sa maraming pagkakataon . Yun mga panahon na sinabi ko na may meeting ako sa work, or may team building, or may seminar na sa katotohanan e nasa ibang parte ako ng Pilipinas o di kaya may kasama mga kasama ako. At yun, chinismis din ako. Kaya, 2 na sila na nakakaalam ng mga sikreto ako. Although, alam ng ate ko un ibang mga katarantaduhan ko, pero meron ding iba na pinili ko na lang talaga na sarilinin. Ayoko rin kase masira un tiwala sa akin ng ate ko, at the same time, alam ko na mataas din ang tingin ng ate ko sakin... Not until this happened.

Hindi naman ako kinumpronta ng nanay ko. Ayaw na lang siguro nya palakihin. Ayaw na lang din nya siguro magalit at wala naman na kase magagawa dahil matagal na nangyari ang mga kalokohan na yun. Ganun pa man, kung may natitira pa siyang tiwala sakin, malamang nabawasan na naman un. All this time hirap na hirap akong ibalik ang tiwalang iyon, pero sa pagkakataong ito, alam ko hindi ko siya masisisisi.

So ang lesson....

Wag ng mag diary!!!

Birthday Gifts '09

2009-08-15T23:32:00.005+08:00

Simple as it may seem, I feel very flattered to receive gifts from friends or loved ones. Being the sentimental person that I am, I keep all the things given to me by people regardless of its worth. I also make sure that I use the gifts that I receive right away just to let that person know how I appreciate the gift. I actually have been tagged as a "Rat Pack" by a close friend of mine. I don't know about the others but for me, this is the only way I know that I would let them know how grateful I am for the gifts and most of all to the friendship. So I try to keep whatever I can.

I may have not received a lot of gifts everytime I celebrate my birthday but still I'm grateful for the thought that they have remembered me and had tried to send messages thru SMS.

Let me take this chance then to thank everyone who has sent their greetings:

Bess (who was the first person to greet me and sent her message at 00:08 am)
" Hoy Kupal! Happy Birthday! " (sweet nya noh?)

Valerie
" Happy birthday!! Be extra patient. God has been cooking all the best in life for you. Soon you'll reap what you truly deserve. God Bless!"

James
"Happy birthday Drey... Love u.. Have a blast!"

Raine (I remember giving her almost the same message on her birthday, I thought I had found my Mr. Right then)
"Gurl, happy birthday! Wish you health and wealth. Hope you find Mr. Right! =->

Danie (Actually I had to remind her that it was my birthday, aheheh!)
"Ay sorry.. Happy birthday po. Alam mo naman me makakalimutin me e..."

Ganny (biglang nabuhay!!)
"Happy, happy, happy birthday! Mwah!"

Anj
"Salamat sa Facebook, happy birthday!"

Angel
"Baby! Happy birthday! I hope you're having fun wherever you are! God bless you! You take care! You know I love you!"

Eeyan (again, salamat sa facebook!)
" Happy birthday, ate Drey!"

Cesar
"Gud AM. Happy birthday. Ngayon mo ba ako treat?"

Candy (friend from Cebu)
"Happy birthday! Mwah, mwah, mwah!"

Norman
"Happy birthday po. Kamusta ka na? Sobra pagkakalasing mo nun gabi ah"

Vina
"Happy birthday!! Cheers to the 29 years!"

Raech
"Happy birthday, Drey!"

Joy
"Happy birthday Drey! Wish you more blessings and happiness. God bless you and your family."

Majid ( He got used to calling me by my first name )
"Happy birthday ANDREA.. Hope every day in your life will be full of joy and laughter"

Kaye
"Hoist! Happy Birthday!"

Hazel
"babe!!! Maligayang bati sa iyo...You are a beautiful person inside and out..Like what I always say, if you could only see what I see, you'll be amazed!!! Isa ka sa pinaka asteg na taong nakilala ko.. The world is a better place because of you... Love you babe!!! Happy birthday!!! =)"

THE GIFTS

From Eric, a colleague.

From my sis, Ate Lexie. (Walang palya! Laging may gift!)

From Raine, a colleague.

From my Momma

Again, this would be another challenging and meaningful year. Hope to be with you guys still....
Thanks again!

Til This Year Ends...

2009-08-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

I will make sure that I won't be in a relationship....

Having two major heartaches for a year is too much for a glued heart of mine to keep. And I don't think that I would be able to find a guy who would surpass the things he did. While it's all true that the best is yet to come, for me I know I already had the best.

A friend of mine has also made a promise to his self that he would stay single for one year after his birthday. That surely is a challenge especially that he is in the temptation world. In my case, I don't think it would really be a problem. So we'll see if I can continue this promise for one year :-P.

This time and a hundred times, I'm keeping my self for my self.

7 Years Ago....

2009-08-15T23:00:00.006+08:00

Was surprised to get this picture from my sis after all these years! As most of you may have already known, I have been part of a band before getting into the call center industry. And this is me, with my first band - 3 vocalists with one pianist and one on sequencer.

Top L to R: Mae ann, Jerry and Aida
Sitting: Maria and me

Our first stint was in Isabela province ( where this picture was taken by the way )where we stayed for 2 months in the hotel where we had our contract. After that, we had a few gigs in Laguna, Cavite and Manila. I didnt pursue working with them since I had a different preference in terms of singing. Being young that I was, I want a "party" crowd.

I had my chance. The BIG break that I had been waiting for. In 2004, a friend's band was looking for an additional vocalist because the hotel where they signed the contract with required 4 vocalists. I jumped at the chance and left the band that I was with at that time. They were considerate enough to let me go. And because of that, I finally had the chance to go to Dubai - Claridge Hotel. I was not able to take a lot of pics there but check some of those I have.

With the drummer that we just met there.

One of the vocalists, I'm sorry I forgot her name.

The only camel I saw there.

At the entrance of the Filipino Club with Maria, the band manager.

So I guess even if I didn't end up as a good singer as my profession, still I'm happy that I was able to experience the night life, the pride and the glamor of being one even for a short while. I know it's not really meant for me. But I'm happy.

Hmmm... Am I prettier then?

Proud Momma

2009-08-15T21:45:00.005+08:00

It has been a yearly practice at my son's school to have a dance competition every month of August in celebration of "Linggo ng Wika" ( where we as a nation celebrate having our own language ).

Honestly, this is one of the reasons why I'm glad I work at night. At least I can get to see my son on programs such as this. No need to file for a vacation leave or ask someone else to come and see him. At least when he grows up he would have all these in his memories... That I've supported him somehow even if I stuffed.

Also had the chance to meet my son's bestfriend, Joshua. Both are Gormiti fanatics!

He actually has his classes resumed after the program but I felt like giving my son a break so.... Guess what! My son and I escaped after the program, aheheheh!!! The security guard had to ask if we were going home, but since I know the protocol where I would have to secure a permission from the Guidance Counselor, I just told the guard that we would be picking up his bag from the car. So there! Good lesson learned from his very own Momma! Ahehehe!!!

Dinner with Performance

2009-08-15T07:17:00.008+08:00

Double meaning: Dinner with the 2nd Quarter's Performance Council with

Live Performance!!!

As part of our last hurrah for this quarter, our council had a treat for the top performer for the month of July. With some of my colleagues we went to Giligans, Alabang and had good meal,bonding time with good music on our background.

The entire group. Can u see me?

With boss Joy and James

THE PERFORMERS

James

Valerie

Me :-P

It has been years since I have last sung infront of a crowd. And I must say that I miss it. How you can dance on stage and shake your *ss with people dancing with your groove. I wonder when I would be able to do that again.

By the way, I used "Nikka" as my alias. Nothing serious though. Ahehehe. You would hear my friends call me Nikka. Nice time to unwine!!!!

Hybernation

2009-08-15T06:24:00.003+08:00

I was not gone. Niether away.

Just had to find my self.

But not to sensationalize it.

Had to find another outlet, aside from the blogging world.

Because I believe...

Half of my readers do not care

And the rest are glad it happened.

I Finally Celebrated....

2009-08-15T05:33:00.010+08:00

After realizing that it has been 9 years since I last celebrated my birthday, me and my bestfriend Vina, have gathered some of our High School friends and celebrate our birthday together this year. Her birthday was on the 6th of this month and mine was on th 10th but we celebrated it on the 8th. Cool isn't it? Well, we may already have our own lives; some has already left the country, and some have already focused with their families but we still find ways to get in touch.

I went early to Vina's place on the 8th to prepare the food that we would be bringing. She had prepared Tuna Pasta while I prepared Chicken Stroganoff. We also had fish fillet and grilled pork.

We went to Picnic Grove, Tagaytay past lunch and had a blast. With us were Vina's boyfriend Borgie and daughter Issey, Nizza, Niña, Gladie and daughter Gaea, Mark, Arcee, Jake, Jann and Howell ( who just dropped by ).

Tasty cake from Gladie

The Girls from L to R: Me, Vina, Issey, Gladie, Gaea, Niña and Nizza

The Boys from L to R : Jann, Arcee, Mark and Jake

Changed location, this was taken in one of the "Bulalohan" in Tagaytay. Suitable for the cold atmosphere there.

Vina and me: Bestfriends for 15 years! Cheers to the 29 years of life :)

Dear Life

2009-07-26T01:30:00.003+08:00

Things may be a bit apparent to you nowadays. You have seen how things have changed. How I have managed to keep my sanity while attending to my responsibilities at home and at work. How I tried to escape from the thoughts and the feeling. I know you would agree with me that I am quite good. I am playing my part quite well. But there are things which aint cant be seen but still surfaces.

It may have been only a coincidence how things have turned from bad to worse. Not only at home but also at work. You have seen how I have changed in terms of my performance at work. I really didn't notice it because I still go to work regularly even if it means dragging my feet. Not knowing that somehow people at work notice how I suppress the feeling. Words of comfort and concern pass by me but I deny the need for them.

At home, I got screwed up. Mom knows how I have greatly deceived her during the time that I was still with him. Sister got me covered. She said my mom was upset. But I had to ask, why is she gonna be mad at me when I was the one hurting now? That I was the one left behind?

I used to love Tuesdays and Wednesdays and even weekends. But now, I hate them. During days when I have to work half of the day only, I would ask friends to come with me instead. I dont want to go home. I dont want to push my self to bed. Because I know that would be the loneliest part of the day. Silent time. The time that is supposed to be for me. But no... This time only brings back memories. Cant stop my self from contemplating. Cant stop my self from asking my unending "what if's".

Even to this point, it would be hypocrite of me not to admit that I still want him back. Though friends have already told me to stop thinking about it. They said it's not meant to be thats why it has to end. But why? Am I really intended to be in the loosing end? Wouldn't really there be a chance that I would find someone who would not use me, deceive me and play tricks with my feelings? Have I really trusted him a lot? Was it bad that I have given him all the love that I know I can give?

Another question pops in my mind... Has he really planned for this? Just to make me ride with him and his stories of love? That there is no love after all? That there is no forever?

Could it be that he just used me?

Life... He is my last stop. I dont know if I would be able to open my heart again. So I'm keeping my self for my self. Had enough. I continue to fight but he didnt. I havent given up but he did. I dont think I can take another blow of heartache so this is it. I am never gonna fall inlove again...

Reminiscing G-W Idol Days

2009-07-25T06:28:00.004+08:00

"I Want to Spend My Lifetime Loving You"
from the movie "Zorro"
Originally sung by Marc Anthony and Tina Arena.

This video was taken during the GW Idol days. Just got this video recently from my previous TSL. We were required to have duets with any leaders in the company. Good thing my boss is also good in singing so I didn't have a hard time looking for a partner. Mind you, both of us lack sleep this day and he was a little sick that day but look at how he had performed. Don't mind me, I know I suck! aheheh!!

Better That We Break

2009-07-24T20:55:00.004+08:00

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

"If you can't accept me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best"

Cursed with Pain

2009-07-05T07:25:00.003+08:00

It has already been a week since we called it off. A week full of tears, full of bitterness, full of anger, full of hope and I may say full of stupidity. It was tough, not hard. It was painful like I've never experienced before. Knowing that what I have believed as my life, has left.... for good.

I know people would not understand what I'm going through because they have lived their lives with someone who has understood them all most of the time. They have been accepted for all the flaws that they have. They have been loved greatly by their significant others. It is easy for them to say that I should move on. That I will find someone better. That I dont deserve him in the first place.

But how could you say that?

Do you know how I have gambled my feelings for this relationship to work? Do you know how I have managed to change for the better just to be someone he could be proud of? Do you know how what he did just to make me happy? Do you know how happy I am with him, even in thoughts? Do you know that no one has made me this happy in my entire life?

If your answers to these questions are NO, then you don't really understand what I'm going through.

I have kept all the pain inside me till today. I chose not to dwell on my feelings. I chose not to show that I'm hurting greatly inside. I tried not to reveal how weak I am when it comes to this. I have deceived all of you. Pretending that I am strong, pretending that I am ok, pretending that I am moving on. But you know what... I am not.....

Thats why all these days, you see my looking at my cellphone most of the time. I am waiting for a message from him. Hoping that he might be thinking of me. I look at my phone to reminisce the good times that we've had. I browse through the pictures and the messages that he has sent me. Doesnt it feel good to go back to those days when everything seems to be perfect?

All these days, you've seen me looking at afar. Thinking deeply. Trying to deliberate on what should have been. What I should have done. Trying to think what good it may have been to still have him in my life. How his thoughts and his words has inspired me a lot to be better. How we have managed to make each other feel good. That despite the distance, our love will keep us together.

Call me stupid. But I still love him. I dont know how and what makes me feel this way for him. All I know is that he is different. He is special. Even if he has left I feel that my heart still belongs to him. I cant look to any other guys, because in my thoughts and in my heart I know I have already found the man for me. I have greatly loved him and I cant think of any other guys to make me feel the way that he did. He has set a standard in my life. And I think that standard cannot be surpassed by anyone.

It pains me... very very very much. I cant think of any day without a tear in my face. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that things would change, that we will be back together. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that I can go to his country and surprise him. Just to prove how much I love him. I cant think of any day that I have not thought how I miss his kisses and his embraces. I swear to god, I cant let go. All this time, its still his face, his touch, his words, his promises that I yearn for.

Why does it have to end this way? Where is his promise of forever? He said you have no second thoughts, but why did we end up apart? Are all those lies? Are all those just flattery? Didnt you really mean a word you said?

God please take away the pain.... Or am I really cursed to be in pain?

2009-07-02T09:02:00.002+08:00

I woke up to a sound of a faint cry.

Half awake I looked around and found nobody.

That's when I realized that I was the one crying.

I am missing a part of me.

I am missing him....

2009-06-28T15:34:00.001+08:00

Heartbreaks and promises,

I’ve had more than my share

I’m tired of giving my love and getting nowhere, nowhere

What I need is somebody

who really cares I really need a lover,

a lover who wants to be there

It’s been so long since I touched a wanting hand

I can’t put my love on the line, that I hope you’ll understand

He is Out of My Life

2009-06-27T23:15:00.001+08:00

I am not a big fan of MJ. But I think it was just a coincidence that at the time of his passing, I am also grieving. The mood of the song and its message apt to my currecnt stand. Melancholic....

She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
And I Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don't Know Whether To Live Or Die
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

[2nd Verse]
It's Out Of My Hands
It's Out Of My Hands
To Think For Two Years She Was Here
And I Took Her For Granted I Was So Cavalier
Now The Way That It Stands
She's Out Of My Hands

[Bridge]
So I've Learned That Love's Not Possession
And I've Learned That Love Won't Wait
Now I've Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

[3rd Verse]
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
Damned Indecision And Cursed Pride
Kept My Love For Her Locked Deep Inside
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

People come and people go. Some would come to make you happy. Some would come to teach you a lesson. Some would also play tricks on you. And there are also some who would leave a wound whose scar would never heal.This scar would never be seen by anyone, because it is in the heart. Which is responsible for your existence. And if the heart is wounded, tell me how could be my existence be complete?

(MJ looks like my ex in this video, which adds more to the sting)

My Final Dance

2009-06-27T09:48:00.002+08:00

“It is not DESTINY that determines love. It is CHOICE – to keep it, to fight for it and to work for it and sadly to set each other free”

After a month of fights and rocky roads we have finally decided to halt and put a stop to the dream. Yes, friends. We are now over. I know I have been so very proud of this relationship and I have been bragging on how this was different. But sorry to disappoint everyone, especially him. It was never meant to last.

I thought that the search is over. I thought that finally, I have met the man I would be growing old with. I thought that the dream of me being his wife would become a reality, in the near future. And I really thought that our love would conquer all.

All through out the relationship, both of us had our own things to say. I myself am guilty of the fact that sometimes I fall short of understanding him and had been way demanding than what is expected. He would also say that I have not given him the trust and the respect that he deserves. I guess all relationships have all these flaws, but then again what matters is what you have for each other.

We have given it another shot. Yes, we almost broke off in the early part of June ,the reason why I have been out of my normal existence during that time. The reason why I was not able to attend my previous TSL’s birthday. (Edsie, now you know. Again, I’m sorry) I chose not to show and tell everyone about it because I was still hoping at that time that we would be able to fix it. I honestly tried to conceal the pain. But you really couldn’t hide it from your close friends. Still I tried to pretend that I was okay. After a couple of days, we were back again. This time I have sworn to give everything I have just to make things work. Because I have this thought that since this was what I want I have to work hard for it.

It should have worked that way. It should have just been a part of our past and would still continue to fight for our love. But he gave up. Just like that. (God I don’t know how to write more sentence without a tear running down my face!) I had pleaded, not only one time. But I guess, he has now realized how I was so undeserving of his love. How I would always end up accusing him and treating him indifferently. He had thought hard that I had never reciprocated from all the things that he did for me.

Why wouldn’t I want him? He is special. He is different. He had given me time even if he didn’t have time. He appreciates every inch of me. From my hair down to my feet. He has treated me in a way that no one has ever treated me. He has done a lot of things to me, even if we were still friends. He has become my confidant and my number one fan. He made me feel good about my self even if I don’t. He has even inspired me to write about happy things in my life. He has loved me… but I guess not enough to last more than three months.

It was not meant to last. Maybe it wasn’t the right person to fall in love with. Maybe it was wrong to even have given it a chance. Maybe it was love on my part but not on his. Maybe I am really destined to be alone. Maybe I really can’t handle a relationship without the doubts, the questions and the bad thoughts about my partner. Maybe I really suck…

How could it be wrong when it felt so right?

Who would have thought the last kiss I gave him was the last? Who would have thought that the last time that I was with him would never happen again? Who would have thought that I would never feel his tight embrace ever again? Who would have thought that I would never glance on his eyes again?

Just the thought that he would be giving his words to another woman pains me. I love his words. I love how he flatters through his writings. And I know every girl will be knocked off her feet when he starts to write about his feelings for her. I would miss this. I would miss his poems. I would miss the nights that I have to rush home to be with him even thru chat. I will miss those days that I would prefer not to go out just so that I can be with him. And I will miss writing, because I lost my inspiration. My words are now barren without him.

I have given my full loyalty and love. God knows how much. I don’t even know if there would still be a chance for me to love that much ever. This for me is the grandest love. And I never have thought it would be this fast. I have seen my life ahead with him. Not just 5 years or 10 years but the rest of my life. I have made plans for us. But I guess, planning is really something I shouldn’t be doing because most often than not, it ends up being the other way around.

Still I would be hoping that there is still a chance to make up. After all, this is my last and final dance. Our dance moves may have not go along but the tune of love should be our guide. Still I hope you have not given up on us that easily. Because I really, really love you.

So here I am. Back to zero.

Back To Me...

2009-06-22T08:28:00.004+08:00

I lost you once
It didn't hurt that much
Because back then
I didn't spend time with you.
I didn't see you.
I didn't feel you.

Back then...
We never made plans
We never thought much about us
We never felt each other's presence
We never got intimate
We never danced the tune of love.

But that day came...
A day I never thought would come.
The day that you've proven your love
The day that I felt your sincerity
The day that I felt how it is to be loved
The day that I unlocked my heart to you again.

I may have not deserve this love
I may not be the perfect partner
I may not be able to fulfill all your wishes
I may not be always be the woman of your dreams
I may not sound pleasing always

But I love you
And thats all that matters to me now.
Now that you're back
I wouldn't let you go again...
No... you won't.
I am keeping my promise.
Forever.

Their First Year Together

2009-06-08T09:00:00.002+08:00

A year has passed and they have conquered. They may have the worst and may have their happiest. What matters is that they chose to be together throught thick and thin. May they always be blessed with love and understanding. Happy anniversary Mom Angie and Dad Bill!

My beautiful Mom (like mother like daughter,right?)

The special man in my mom's life

The couple - Mr. and Mrs. Bill Riley

Me - the daughter and the stepdaugher

Me and my son, Asejia

Still me and my son

Alych and Grace (our angel)

Alych and Asejia

My family

I wonder if I would also have mine to celebrate, waaahhhh!!!

What Month Is It?!!!

2009-06-04T06:05:00.003+08:00

It's the middle of the year already!
Have you noticed that? How time flies?
How it cheats you to wait for a particular month but in a blink of an eye it's here?
How you have prayed for a month to come but soon after it arrives you would've wished it wasn't that fast?

How you have wished that January wouldn't come since it would mean the start of another year?

How you have wished that February wouldn't come so that you wouldn't feel lonely that you don't have a date on Valentine's Day?

How you have wished that March wouldn't come since it would mark the end of the school year, and for some would mean goodbye to friends?

How you have wished that April and May wouldn't come so that taking a vacation would be the least of your priorities?

How you have wished that June and July wouldn't come since it's school time again and budgeting would be at its tightest?

How you have wished that August wouldn't come since it would add another number
to your age?

How you have wished that BER months (SeptemBER, OctoBER, NovemBER and DecemBER)wouldn't come since it's holiday once again - time for gift giving (yehey!! to the receiver, ouch!! to the sender), time for bonuses (yehey!! to employees, ouch!! to employers), time for bumper to bumper traffic (ouch!! for everyone), time for Christmas parties and reunions everywhere (yehey!!! for everyone, I guess). And so on and so forth...

I am not ranting. I am just surprised. Really am. I am near the most dreaded age for women... but still looking 25!!! Ahahahah!!!!

*Wink

What Would I End Up With???

2009-06-03T09:17:00.004+08:00

Facebook has just given me this idea. I created a set of questionnaire to test people how well they know me. And this particular question popped in my mind.

"If I'm not what I am right now, what would I be?"

Then suddenly, I started thinking... Honga noh. What could I be right now if I'm not working as a phone banker.

I got some options:

Band Vocalist. This is really my interest. I love singing. I still love to sing although I dont really find time to sing nowadays. This actually opened the doors for me to go to other country. Thats why Im thankful for the talent. But could it be a good option? I dont think so. Once you're contract is done in this country, you would need to go home. Not unless they would be extending your contract. But when you get home here, you would need to check hotels and bars who would likely need your service. Lucky for you if you will get 5 days of the week booked. But the rate would only range from Php500 to Php700 per night.

Teacher. I tried teaching since I was in my 2nd year in college. After I graduated, I continued my profession for like 3 years. I like the sense of authority it brings. I also like the respect that everybody is giving me. Parents would call me "Ma'am" even if they are older than me. And every time there is a party, I would be prioritized.. I would be served first. But I remember that my gross pay is like the total tax that I'm paying with the current job that I have. So, no way!!!

Businesswoman. My mom is trying to influence me to do sidelines at work. But I really dont have time to make "alok". Plus, I dont have that convincing power, believe me! I dont even have that charm to persuade buyers. I'm not even good at rebuttals. We used to have a boutiqu and when I would be assigned to man the store, I would end up having just one sale or worst none. So, another no way!

Housewife. This is a big no no. I dont like just staying at home. I am not as domesticated as I was before. I mean, I can clean the house, I can cook, I can do household chores but doing it everyday would not be productive for me. Not to discount housewives, ok? But I guess I know Im born not just to be a housewife. I like to earn my money and be able to buy things I like without asking money from my partner. No need to explain why I need this and what I would need it for. :P

To sum it up, I guess I'm doing better with what I am doing currently. I cant be thankful enough for having this job which sustains my son's education and a little of our needs and a bit of my wants. So thank you for the outsourcing business!!!

"Network" Fail

2009-06-03T08:56:00.003+08:00

Minsan akala ko, talagang may sira lang ang S** Network. Nangyayari naman kase talaga na kung hindi delayed ang messages ko e, di ako macontact kapag tinatawagan ako. What I would usually do is refresh my phone. Since I used to work with one of the network providers in the U.S., I know how to do the basic troubleshooting. So pagtapos ng troubleshooting, saka magpapasukan ang mga messages.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of refreshing on my phone. Turn off, remove batteries, put it back and turn it on. But guess what, wala pa ring messages!!!! Walang nagtetext sa akin! Un pagaakala kong sira ang phone ko eh, hindi pala. Talagang walang nagtetext sa akin!!! Waaahhh!!!

Text nyo naman ako!!!

Dear Life

2009-06-02T07:52:00.001+08:00

Dear Life,

Surely you have seen me grow for the last 28 years of my life. You have seen me when I am happy, when I shed tears, when I am hurt, when I fall in love, when I fail, when I succeed, when I succumb and when I feel hopeless.

You have pointed me in this direction, though I may not understand the reason. You have challenged me on things that you know I am weak at. You even have laughed at me even when you saw me crawling and hanging at the last string of hope I have. You have pushed me harder even if you know that I'm already giving up. And even have taken away some of the things that you know I am happy with.

While others get what they want without exerting a slightest muscle, here I am... trying to bear all that I can.

Is this really how you play your game?

Where is the "What you reap is what you sow" thingie?

Where is the good karma that every body else is talking about?

Hate this...

His Words

2009-05-27T11:46:00.002+08:00

"You are the truth that has been missing in my life"

"When a man found his truth, he would just act like me. Thats why I say I believe in you"

"I just need ur love and I know,even if I give u the whole world I wont be satisfied
because your my world"

"You are my queen my woman and my veverything. If I dont show my love to you to whom would I be showing it?"

"Welcome to my life"

My two cents:

"I could never ask more than u....everything to me is like an answered prayer...sometimes... I am even thinking that Im happy the way that we are right now.
Just having someone to love me, is like completing me...so thats why I say, I can never ask for more....than u..."

" I love u soo much Maj. Lets keep this forever babe. Let us keep the same respect for each other... Let us grow our love more and more each day and let us work to be more than just partners.... I want us to be lovers...for the rest of our lives."

Fiesta! Fiesta!

2009-05-27T10:51:00.012+08:00

In line with our team's effort to have a blast in the month of May, the R & R Council (Rewards and Recognition), has come up with the Fiesta Theme Day.

Fiesta is part of the Philippine Culture. It is the official or unofficial observances of religious, national, or cultural significance, often accompanied by celebrations or festivities. Some provinces have their own month for their patron's celebration. But mostly, they are celebrated in the month of May in the our country.

Fiesta is fun! There are games for everyone, young and old. There are also times that they would have Sportsfest (like basketball, volleyball etc.) We also have Santacruzan, where beautiful ladies parade in their most elegant gowns with their ravishing escorts.

Look at how we celebrated Fiesta the Protege style!

From L-R: Raech, Yron, Sherrie, Ash, Lissa, Me, Stephen and Hazel

Lissa, Sherrie and Me portraying the Santacruzan ladies. Aren't we gorgeous? Where are our escorts?

Eto ang nakakasira ng poise! Aheheh!!! One of the common games is this - drinking using 3 straws! Man! What a hassle! Sipsipan to the max!

Me with Valerie as Pluning, ahehehe!!! We're already down to 2 straws but still makes the drinking difficult!

Another game: Paper Dance. Joy as my partner. We won!!!

Look at how Joy held me! Tight kung tight! No wonder why we won this game aheheh!!

Waiting for my turn for the "Putukan mo ako Alex Game". Before me is Lissa.

My turn! No luck.... :-(

Can't wait for R & R's project in June. Protege Pinoy Big Brother. This will be FUN!

Third Kid in my Family

2009-05-26T09:51:00.004+08:00

Yup, there is a third kid in our family. I may not have been taking much about her since she doesn't live with us.

Every summer and Christmas are the only two occasions that she gets the chance to visit us. I would pick her up from their house and would let her stay with us in a week of two.

Since summer has arrived, my niece Alych has irritatingly reminded me of picking up her sister. I know I should be the bigger person here, however sometimes I just don't find the time to do so and that's when I begin to be irritated.

Anyway, she is my sister's second child. 10 days after my kid was born, she delivered my second niece. How nice isn't it. Can you imagine having 2 preggies at your own house bumping into each other with our big bellies?

So it's bonding time once again. Time to catch up with the lost time with her, Aleeia.

Look at the crazy faces!

Asejia, Me, Aleeia and Alych

Kids with Mommy

Crazy faces

Wackiness

My Son's First Entry

2009-05-26T09:22:00.002+08:00

Since my son has been observing me whenever I'm in front of the computer, I guess he has noticed that I do compose thoughts and post those in my blog. Since children has the natural level of curiosity, I bet my child got the idea of creating his own.

Here it is!

Hello there I am ASEJIA I am 9 years old and IM a boy I live in ADELINA (deleted) San Pedro, Laguna BLK (deleted) Lot (deleted). I have one big happy family. I have a mother, her name is DREY she has a great work and she cares for me. I have a cousin her name is Alyssa. We kind of hate each other and we kind a fight and disagree on everything but still she is one of my family. And I have a grand mother her name is Angie. She is my mother’s mom. She always like to go to her friends and she sells toys for kids . And I have a grand father he lives in America and he is nice to us. He gives us everything we need and he is funny. Those are my family . THE END

I intended not to edit and make the necessary corrections. No doubt when he grows old and finds this blog, he would laugh at how he has done this. I hope when he reaches the right age, he would also keep his old blog. :-)

Like mother, like son :-)

The People Have Spoken

2009-05-26T08:10:00.002+08:00

A recent survey has been conducted in the team to measure our "Likeness" and "Effectiveness" factors. And the results not only brought a big surprise for me but also a fair dose of reality.

It was announced during our team meeting last Friday morning. After the lunch treat, we were silenced by the announcement of the survey results. This was not really something we were expecting, not anyone. None...

The survey determines your teammates' thought if you are likeable or not. Meaning if you are someone that they can get along with, without any hassles. At the same, it also measures your effectiveness with the tasks that has been assigned to you. This is manifested thru your works in the council.

And then the first category was announced... (only the positive results were given so as not to dishearten other teammates who has received most votes in the negative aspect)
It was me!! *Applaud! Applaud! I was voted as someone they would like to be with if in case he/she will be transferred to another team!!! Being the perky person that I am, I was flattered and I can’t stop myself from jumping! Just like a little kid who just got a present. (Yehey!!!)

Second, I got the runner up. Imagine me jumping up and down again.*Tee hee! Most liked teammate to be his/her seatmate because of your HAPPY aura!

Third, got the most votes as the teammate who is seen to be a good person for motivation (?). This is something I was really surprised with because never have I thought that out of my ordinary ways, out of just being the simple me people see me as someone greater. Am I just being loved? Hmmm... lets see the next set of categories....

Next category, voted as second to be the most wanted partner in a big project. On this part, I remember Valerie who got the highest vote if I'm not mistaken. This is something I am happy also because I know that she is highly qualified and most likely to be competitive as well. Congrats Valerie!

Again, voted next to Rain who got the most votes in the succeeding category; team mates who has demonstrated the CULTURE - the "Office Culture". Culture is actually a big word in our company WB. And this is what makes our company different from any other companies :-).

Next, voted again as the runner up for being a good team player. This was actually when my teammates started realizing what's going on. Ahehehe!!! I'm getting everything. In tagalog, "Pinakyaw mo na naman Drey!"

(At this point, napagod na sila kakapalakpak, ahahahha!!! At ewan ko kung may bahid na ng pagsisisi un iba sa mga sinagot nila sa survey.)

Lastly, is the effectiveness as the head of the council. This is something I know for a fact. Sherrie is the most effective in our council, no doubt! But then again, I was voted to be the second! *** Clap, clap, clap...

Click on image for larger view of the survey results.

Legend: YELLOW = Top in the survey (mostly voted for me)
ORANGE = Runner up (which means of course, next to the TOP)
GRAY = none or 1

Would u believe this? I cannot believe it either. I mean... Tell me I'm bragging but I am just overwhelmed with how people see me at work. These people that I come across with everyday. My second family.

Now tell me, am I loved? :-D

Last Hurrah/Hoorah!!!: Performance Council

2009-05-26T07:29:00.007+08:00

How would you like taking in calls and doing your task at the same time?

They may call it multitasking; I call it challenge!

This is what actually makes my job different and productive amongst all the call centers that I have worked with. It is only in this company that I felt that I am more than a customer service representative. That I am more than a front liner of the company, who is expected to assist customers with their issues and concern. That I am more than a representative who just sits down on my station, wear my headset and talk tirelessly most of the day. Tirelessly is not really the correct adjective since it is the opposite. But in this type of job, you would need to pretend that you are perky and sincere even if you are tired.

For the last 8 months, I have been privileged to be in the Performance Council. We call ourselves the Performance Coaches. This is a special group in our team that motivates, influences and strives to bring out the best in our teammates. We handle concerns regarding performance and the first point of contact in terms of any issues in our micro team. We monitor their performance by doing regular coaching sessions and continuously communicate with them for anything that they may be having challenges with. We also launch projects that we believe would help them improve their stats and be able to be recognized for a job well done. This, I think has been the most important part that we play – recognizing teammates and rewarding them for a job well done.

For the last 10 weeks of being in this council, I am proud to say that we’ve always had good scores – based on customers’ point of view. Anyone who works in this BPO industry would understand how important this survey is. I firmly believe that each coach has made an impact on the good results that we been getting. The fruit of our hard work! The Team Leader’s morale and influence has also boosted our performance. Why not? He, who brags about our team scores to the entire company (that’s what we call recognition) and boasts about the fun that we’re having while at work (that’s what we call creating an environment of great place to work). Actually, mahihiya kang hindi magachieve ng target sa stats kase hindi ka makakasama sa listahan!! Aheheh!

As with any beginnings, there must be an end. This is not a sad ending though. By the end the second quarter, we might all be assigned to a new council, with new tasks, new challenges, new "ngarag" moments, new pressures and new set of people to deal with. Did mention dealing with pressures?

With a lot of these new "whatever", we take them as a challenge. Embrace them. This is part of the honing process. We need to expose ourselves in different tasks. To be a Jack of all trade. To be more efficient. To be well-rounded. To be a certified Protege.

This would only be the chance that I can say thank you to the Performance Coaches that I have worked with.

To Sherrie, who has been very effective in all sort of ways. You are the asset in this council. I can not thank you enough for being the pillar of the team.

To Roxee, who has grown up to be more matured with all the challenges in this council. I am very proud of all the improvements that I've seen in you.

To Rain, who has also embraced the task without any doubt and has freely spoken your mind. I appreciate your straightforwardedness. This is not something I have so I admire you for this.

Lastly, to Carol who despite the new environment, didnt falter and has found ways to fit in. Who has also contributed a lot of ideas and sensible comments to make the council productive.

Also would like to thank Rob and Valerie, who used to be Performances Coaches as well and has now been assigned to a more challenging task.

This is not the end but a start of a new beginning. Goodluck to all of us!

Syempre hindi pedeng wla ako... Ahehehe!!!

My Skywalk Adventure

2009-05-13T07:31:00.004+08:00

Are u afraid of heights like me? Have u tried something to overcome this fear? Well, friends... I tried this Skywalk Adventure and guess what... I finished the race!

Skywalk Adventure is in Cebu, on top of the Regency Hotel. It is 126.55 meters high and it is on the edge of the building. How nerve-wracking that could be! Believe me! I dont know how I was able to walk around the building with my knees shaking and my eyes glued in the walk way! Hahahah!! I couldnt even walk without my harness being ahead of me. It should have been a 5-10 minute walk but our batch took 30 minutes to finish it because of me. I was really scared to death! And my boyfriend was teasing me all along. Mean guy!!

As you go along the way, there will be different thrills. On one part, you will be walking in this glass floor and sit for your photos. There is also a part where you will be asked to sit on the ledge. This is the scariest since you will begin to realize how high the building is and that falling will cause your death. Being the chicken sh*t that I am, I sat on the ledge but my feet was not completely hanging. I felt that with just one false move, I might regret trying this adventure.

It has a beautiful scene though. You will see the overwhelming scene of the entire busy city and you will feel the calm of the air. It was like you are on top of the mountain in the center of the city. It is really a must see!

Me and Maj with the Cebu City Hall on the view.

See my feet half hanging, ahahahha!!!

The glass walkway. See we were asked to take a picture in this glass walkway. Its good that I can still smile despite my fear..

Pretending to be brave

Before the walk

Hilarious EJ

2009-05-13T06:54:00.004+08:00

Just want to share a video of my friend EJ when we were in Cebu. This was taken on his birthday, April 4. This guy is really funny... and I really miss him!

What more can I say? Even if we live islands apart, we try to keep the friendship that we've shared. We may not see each other but our friendship has been proven by the test of time.

Note: Videoke to pero di ko maintindihan lyrics ni EJ! ahahahah!!! May sariling version si bading!!!

His Words

2009-05-13T06:25:00.003+08:00

"I love you more than u said that u love me more than i love u "

"I love you nd thats enough fr me Andrea"

"When I said I love you and thats enough, it means I dont need any thing in this world... only ur love Andrea"

"I will miss u until I see you and when I see you I miss you even more."

"When I am feeling low,you make feel ok and when I am feeling crazy, you calm me"

"The day we made our promises, I am keeping my part"

My words:

"Stay with me tonight babe
hold me close and never let go
even if the dawn breaks,
let us welcome the morning sun
with us wrapped in each other's embrace
and wake up with the seal of kiss of forever from u"

"My heart is like a reservoir of love when i met u...
overflowing with good words and sweet talks...
waiting for the right time and right place to say all my heart's desires"

Mom's Day '09

2009-05-13T05:44:00.004+08:00

Among the many sweet thoughts sent to me thru YM and SMS on Mother's day, I have received this simple but very memorable gift from my team. Of course initiated by my TL!

Well, for single moms like me, Mother's day is not a day where her husband and her kids would be taking her out for a treat. Most often than not, its just one of those regular days. Though I remember one time, when I was still working in CVG, I won the Mother's Day picture contest. I won a treat in Vivere but I didn't get the chance to use it for reasons I can no longer recall. But then again, I guess there are just some people who are making a good change on how u see life. And my colleagues are doing great with this. :-)

Anyway, my mom and my dad had a celebration that night. I wasn't able to join them since I have work. Though I should say I miss going out with the entire family. Whew! Sometimes life can be just easy for me.

For my mom, I know I have not been the best daughter that you could wish for. I know a lot of things hinder us from being a good partner. And I know that sometimes we do things that both disappoint us and draw us farther. But let it be known that despite all these, I would not replace you with any mothers in the world.

I saw you suffer for us. I saw u crawl. I saw how u bore the pain emotionally and physically of bringing me and my sis up for the most part of our lives. I heard your cries of hurts of being a father and a mother. I heard your complaints. I heard you wished that things would be easier for us. I felt the longing in your heart to give us what can make us happy. I felt your sadness when you climb up the stage to receive our awards and you were all by your self. I also felt how you could have wished that you could turn back time and made a good decision.

I hope I can be brave as you are. I hope my friends would also call me a survivor for all the things that life has challenged me. I hope that just as you are, I can still smile despite the load that you have in your heart. And I just hope it is not too late for us to make it up for all that you've done and may God help me to make life easy for you.

Me, my Mom Angie and my stepdad Bill

Important Notice

2009-05-06T15:29:00.001+08:00

I deleted my friendster and multiply accounts.

Still thinking if I would keep this blog.

Keep in touch thru YM.

2009-05-06T15:23:00.004+08:00

As I lay my self down to sleep
I pray to God that he would help me
To be a better me
That I wont have to lie
To my man, my life and my happiness
And I hope that my man
Will still care for me and love me
And keep OUR promise of love forever.

May fate bring us back to how we used to be....

Could it Be?

2009-05-05T08:13:00.004+08:00

Gloomy as the weather
I sit still in the edge of the cliff
My sight reaching as far as the eyes can see
Trying hard to envision the almost blur figure
And groping at the slightest warmth of his skin.

Colors of the sky has turned to gray
And my spirits are at low ebb
Almost waiting to complete the darkness
And cover the rest of my existence.

My thoughts give feign impression
To slake the longing of my desire
Picking up all the puzzles
That I have scattered in the field.

Humid is almost high
Drying up...
Suck me, suck my will, suck my dreams...
Reality replaces then the memories
Fading into dimlight and history.

Happiest Day

2009-04-30T02:14:00.003+08:00

Finally!!!

It was the longest morning and the most anticipated afternoon for me. Why? Because this was the day that MY MAN would arrive from his country. And yes, finally the very, very long wait was over. :-)

At 6:oo in the morning, I received an SMS from him. He was already onboard. A wide smile suddenly came across my face. He was really coming. It was not a joke. He was really coming home!

I didn’t sleep the entire day. I kept glancing at the clock. I kept thinking of what he could he doing that moment; what could he be thinking. Could he be thinking of me all throughout the 11 hours that he was crossing the ocean? Wasn’t he also able to sleep because he couldn’t wait to see me? Did he also feel nervous for this first meeting?

I was also thinking what would be the best clothes to wear. I even had asked my friend, Hazel, if wearing a dress would be appropriate. But she said I had to keep it simple so as not to drive him to insanity, aheheh! I was also thinking how he would really look in person. How I would greet him. How I should smile at him. I should look my best because I want to make a good impression.

Minutes had turned to hours. It was as if the longest day that I had to endure. Even if I kept my self at ease at home, my mind was in a good state of wreck.

Excitement was an understatement. I was more than excited. I couldn’t describe how I felt when I left home to pick him up at the airport. I was like a little girl who would be going to the carnival for the first time. I wanted to run and take a ride quickly but I know I would trip because my head was in the sky. Looking at any airplane that passed by. Wondering if that plane was his plane.

On my way, I felt butterflies in my stomach. A lot of them. As much I tried to stay calm in front of people, my heart was really pounding. I was like a criminal who would be facing a judge in court and would be waiting for my verdict. I still kept looking at the time on my phone. Worried that something might happen to me along the way and would end up somewhere else. I remember his words that once he arrived and he didn’t see me in 3 hours, he would take the next flight back home. I couldn’t let that happen. Not now. Never.

When I arrived at the airport, the TV monitor gave me the biggest shock that day. It said that his plane had already arrived!!! “Whaaaat? I haven’t retouched my make up yet! Great!!”

Since I was alone, I had no one to share my excitement with. I had no one to tell me to fix my lipstick or to just say that I looked ok. The nervousness that I felt earlier felt greater. Almost telling me that I would faint. But no, I don’t want that scene. I don’t want our first meeting to be in the hospital instead of the airport.

As I paced my self back and forth the waiting area, I kept looking for his sign. I know I would notice him quickly. My heart would tell. But as each person went down the stairs the more that I grew impatient. It was like 30 minutes and counting but still no sign of him. The camera they had there didn’t help me because I wanted to look farther than what the screen showed.

Then I got a call. From a number I didn’t recognize. Though hesitant, I still picked up the phone. It was him!!!! It was MY MAN!!!

I walked past through the people as I find my way to him. Not withstanding the fact that the crowd was bigger than me. But my feet took me to the right direction. And I saw him waiting for me at the other end.

I didn’t jump to embrace him. I didn’t kiss him with the most passionate one. He didn’t carry me to kiss and hug me. No, it was not like the movies.

I really didn’t notice that I was already in front of him. My eyes immediately met his. And his smile met mine. As I looked in his eyes, my eyes tried to search deeper. Searching for what I have been wanting to know all this time. But his smile was so radiant. Almost telling me not to look further because he was here and that should answer my questions.

There was a far cry in my heart to let him know the joy I felt upon seeing him. That I could still not believe that he was here. That I really wanted to hug him tightly and thank him for just being there. But my longing to do so just ended with a touch in his arm. I was shy!!

But he didn’t spare a moment, he held my hand as if not letting go. It was the warmest touch that my hand had felt. It sent a sensation to my mind. And my mind just whispered to my heart and my heart pounded again. More than what it did earlier. This time it didn’t just pumped blood all over my body and it pumped love all throughout my veins.

I don’t know how I would measure the happiness I felt upon seeing him, for real. And every time I remember how that day went, I still couldn’t hide to draw a smile in my face even if I am alone. I always wanted to go back to that day. That day that I thought would just be a dream. That day that just turned out to be one of the happiest days of my life.

Normal Forgetfulness

2009-04-23T15:36:00.002+08:00

This is just a normal episode of forgetting a word or a person's name. It can also be forgetting some stuff you have at times. I said at times.

Why I posted about this is because I recently notice that I am forgetting a lot of stuff. I hate it. It may be a coincidence but having two or more in a day is somehow unacceptable.

So I had to check the reason, and thank you Google for the prompt reply. I will just post some since I dont think the other reasons are applicable to me.

Following physical and mental factors may affect your ability to remember:

- Normal aging (O my!!! Im getting old!!)
- Persistent mental thoughts or self-arguments debilitate mental make-up (hmmm... this may be patially true)
- Inattentiveness, mind far away from the actual physical surroundings (aheheh.. my mind is with him...)
- Habit of repeating the same mistakes again and again; do not learn from past experiences. (Does this mean, mistakes in your love life?)
- Persistent Depression - causing forgetfulness and lack of concentration. (hmmm... I get depress sometimes but not persistent!)
- Anxiety (oh yeah!)
- Other Emotional problems, tendency towards concealing grief, mental torture, fear, desperation, pessimism, impatience behavior, terror, panic, after effect of shock etc. (hmmm... could be...)
- Always thinks of the past and dwell upon past regrets and sorrows (swak na swak!!!)

In short, it has something to do with Negative Emotions. Emotional Imbalance.This is caused more by emotional than physical. Example given were bad relationship, poor self image, a history of abuse, stress, frustration. These may be some of the factors that change your overall attitude towards life which may directly impede your overall performance. Such tendencies are deep-rooted in mind and nurtured by excessive negative emotions.

So to lessen the Negative emotions, we have to psyche up. Balance Emotions. Psyche and shape your innate behaviour in a way to face every life challenge by avoiding pessimistic approach towards life.

And so the game is on... I will work on being optimistic on every thing. Good luck!!!

Good News and Bad News

2009-04-23T15:04:00.004+08:00

BAD NEWS

April 20, 2009, on my way home I suddenly realized that I dont have my phone with me. I had to call my friend to check if I left my phone in his car. He dropped me off somewhere in San Pedro since he lives there. But when I called him he said that my phone was not in his car. I panicked!!!

I called my number, it was ringing. But nobody answered it yet. I think it was on third call that someone answered. This was when I realized that I might have dropped my phone while I was walking to ride a jeep or when I was in the jeep. This got me torn.

The guy who had my phone was somewhat incomprehensible. Throughout the conversation, I had questions that were not directly answered. I know somehow that this was a futile attempt to get my phone back but I still insisted. The line got cut off and he never answered my call again.

I went to sleep in tears. I know all of you would agree that cellphone nowadays is a necessity. Although I have spare phones at home, I just cant let go of this phone. Why? Because it is filled with memories. It contains music, pictures and messages from people whom I loved. Aside from that, I just had this phone for 6 months. I havent even paid it up through my friend's credit card. So I was already thinking that I have to pay for the remaining months for nothing. And that I wouldnt be able to get a good phone again. :-(

When I woke up, I received a message from the guy who got my phone. He asked me to meet up with him after his work. So I did. I was keeping my hopes high that he would not deceive me or that this would not be his way of robbing me or something. And so I waited, like an hour. But time didnt bother me since what I just had in mind was to get my phone.

So the GOOD NEWS here was, I was able to retrieve my phone! Unbelievable? I cant believe it my self. This made my realize that still there are people who are honest enough to bring back your stuff. With his good heart, I rewarded him. More than what he expected. I saw the surprise on his face. But I know he deserved it. I would pay that much rather than to buy a new phone. :-)

I hope he is not the last person who has this kind of attitude. I hope there would be more like him. He is rare, I guess. So may God bless him and his family.

A Snip of my Vacation

2009-04-19T13:54:00.003+08:00

From my man. He says its his vision of Paradise. For me it is more than Paradise. It is perfect happiness, with him.

What now?

2009-04-19T04:21:00.005+08:00

It has been a week since we have last seen each other. The last time I've felt him. Just a week but it felt like it has been more than a month already.

I can still recall, the last glance at the airport. It was quick. Never had the chance to embrace him though my heart was yearning to hug him tightly. We thought we could still stay longer inside the airport but sadly I cannot go inside. Which I think was better. Because I dont know if I could bare seeing him go. I even hesitated to go with him at the airport but I know he would want my presence, and would want me to be the last person he would see before he boards the plane.

As I turned my back, I felt pain... Pain of being away from the person who have shown me more than what I deserve. My mind kept playing all the good times we shared together and all the "firsts" that I had with him. At the same time, I was thinking what is next after this.

We never failed to keep in touch. I thought he would not be able to keep in touch for some time because of his work but he did! And this really brightened up my day. This somehow keeps me sane as I look forward to his promises...

After a week, I never felt it would be this difficult. I never thought that I would miss him this much. I never thought that I would crave for his presence. I never thought that I would regret not showing more than what I did when we were still together. And I never thought that this would make me realize how much I really love him.

There's a lot of what if's in my mind. There's a lot of answers left unanswered. There's a lot of things I would need to compromise since I chose to be in the relationship.

And I need him to be my side. To assure me that he is here to stay - forever... Inshallah ( In god's will )...

I hope he will be the last page in my colouring book. Where it will not only be me who will put colors in my life but together with him, we will paint our world with bright lights. When I would finally say that the search is over because I finally found the one for me....

"Under the bright sunny sky and over the deep blue sea"

My Man

2009-04-15T15:43:00.005+08:00

I know a lot of you are eager to know a lot about the guy who has recently changed my life. I havent found the time to sit down and share the story since I have a lot of catching up to do at work and at home.

Dating back 2006 was when I first met him. Not personally though. October 16, 2006 according to my diary. After consecutive days of talks over the phone and over the net, I felt he was someone special. Special in the sense that he has different perception in life and has a different approach when it comes to love. I admire his thoughts and I love what he made me feel at that time.

This inspired me to write this - Nov 1, 2006

MY MAN

it has been my fervent desire
to wake up each morning
and see your face beside me,
assuring me of your love and
your endless faith.

to close my eyes in the middle of the night
with your lips close to mine
that will seal the promise
of this new found love.

to walk the along the shore
with your hands with mine,
comforting my heart's desire
that you are mine forever.

to hear your voice every now and then
and give me the courage to go on with life,
telling me that im all that u desire
and the one who will complete u.

to feel the warth of your embrace
when the night starts to get cold
reassuring me that im finally home
with the one ive waited for... my man.

My heart was vulnerable. And I guess throughout those days I felt that we could be more than just friends. Since I was in the state of wanting to feel loved, we tried to be more than what we were. But it didnt last that long. He has his own reasons. At that time I might have not really understood his reasons but I didnt have much of a choice but just to let it go.

Months had passed, years had gone. We managed to live our lives the way it should. But he never failed to keep in touch. We treated each other like good friends. If you would be looking back at my posts in this blog, you would see a literary piece and a video that he had made for me. He knows everything that happened to me. He was even there when I broke my heart again. He called me up and I remember bursting in tears. Never had I thought that he still feels something special for me.

Til this year.

I dont know if it's God' will. Or if its just the right time. We started talking again. Just like the old times. He planned to take a vacation here in the country. Being a friend, I felt glad that we would finally see each other for real. I would finally see the man that I fell in love with. And being with him, would prove what kind of friendship we can keep between us.

It would be hypocrite of me not to say that I never felt something special during those times. A voice was telling me that this guy was trying to be kind and sweet. I was even thinking if there would be a chance that he would like me the way he used to. But I shove the thoughts off. I dont want to keep my hopes high and end up disappointing my self for wanting more than what is on the line.

But he has his own way... He planned the vacation with me. And before the planned had been finalized, he wrote this in his blog:

WAS I ASLEEP? HAD I SLEPT?

open your eyes...open your eyeeeees...I don't know why those words stuck inside my busy mind since the last time I saw Tom Cruise movie...Vanilla Sky ...actually the movie was enigmatic but the voice of Penelope Cruz when she said those magical words open your eyeeees was really fascinating those words rings inside my busy mind higher than mosques Minarets and stronger than Churches bells...

I waited since the last time you said hello ... I waited for you to strike my sense when I open the doors of my mind...maybe the recalcitrance's inside my mind disobeys the ordinary life...or maybe your hello will be my life's promising dance with you.

sometimes I think you are just in my imagination... I am not fastidious...I am and hundred of times...I am complex simplicity.

Time is short And I am sure...There must be something more...Things will never be the same...There is no living life again.

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

When I first read this, my heart was in awe. Any girl will be moved by his lines and his every word. And what I have in my mind then was, this girl must be very lucky to have him for a lover. Again, I shove the thought that it could be me.

Then one day, while having our usual conversation, we were talking about this piece. Thats when he told me that it was for me! I was like, "What?!!!" Thats when I realized how he planned for all these.

How can I let go of a man like him? How could I be clueless of his real intentions? How could I ignore his sincere effort to win me back? How could I not believe that he is here to stay in my heart for good? And how could I not love a man who has been doing the work to make me happy?

"From aircraft to aircraft,
from hotel to another hotel,
from an island to another island,
I love you"

I remember him saying this to me and I was really touched. All throughout the vacation, he never failed to prove to me that he loves me. He shares his thoughts and his plans about us. These flatter me a lot. And I cant just wait for all these to come true.

A Reunion

2009-03-27T08:51:00.004+08:00

If you would be checking on my older posts, I had an entry about friends I have met when I was still working in CVG Alabang. It was January of last year when I resigned from that company, but I didnt resign because I dont like the company. I just want to have a change. And I dont regret ever leaving that company, aheheheh!!!

Anyway, what is good about CVG is the friendship I have established with some of people I have worked with. We initially never had that sudden "click". But since we are the outgoing type of persons, we ended going out one time and then one after the other and then the rest is history. These friends that I'm mentioning are EJ and Danie.

Going on, we recently had this reunion. EJ, who is now working in CVG Cebu has made an effort to visit us here in the Metro. Great, isnt it? We really wanted to have more time with him but since it was just a short stint, he had to divide his time for all of his friends.

With this being said, we ended up meeting on his second stay here, March 14. Suprisingly, Danie, who just arrived from a Cebu- Bohol tour also found a way to meet up with us and have party. Nice! She was with her boyfriend,Edward, who by the way, has a good socializing skills.

In Malate, we got the chance to meet EJ's friend who also works in CVG Cebu (Ryan). And this friend of his also had tagged 2 more friends (Jim and Ken). So what do we have there? FUN!!

Check out the pictures we took:

The entire group at Silya

All out smile

EJ, Edward, Danie, Ryan and me

With Jim

With Ken

We went home around 5am that day. It was so fun and though there were some people that we just met there, we never felt any type of awkwardness. It was as if we have been friends for a long time. I have to commend Ryan, Jim and Ken for being such a good company. I hope there will be next time.

And before I forget, today is Danie's birthday!!!! Happy birthday girl!!! I hope you will be successful and hope to see you walk in the aisle with me as one of your bridesmaid, ahehehe!!!

Weeklong Countdown

2009-03-23T07:14:00.002+08:00

After posting the countdown at the start of this month, now I'm down to a week of countdown. I have been eagerly waiting for the end of March. Why? Because of the good things that will happen to me... Because of this person who would make a big change in me...

In just 7 days...

Your eyes would meet mine
Understand meaning just by looking
glances would be familiar
and happiness would glisten in our eyes.

smiles would radiate through our lips
sending signals of comfort and gladness
touch would send signals through our hearts and minds
with real intentions revealed.

time is of the essence
no second to spare
dont want to miss any chance
of your love and your presence.

talks would be endless
sleep would be insufficient
but we would care less
as long as we have each other.

I'm just overwhelmed how you try to prove me your love. You are so deep. Like a reservoir of passion. Fill me with this love. May this love be the love that would make me complete.

You are my now. My present. A part of my existence. Hold on to me. I will be yours as long as you need me....

Luau Saturday

2009-03-22T09:17:00.007+08:00

Funny...

This was actually my mom's counsin's birthday. They came up with this Luau Party for her 60th birthday party. And it was nice seeing people with dressed up in Hawaiian shirts and skirts with matching Leis.

I never really had a clue about her because we are not really close to some of our relatives. One reason was because of the distance from their place to ours. Next is probably because my mom hasnt really put too much emphasis on their relationship. There were some relatives there as well whom I havent seen for quite some time and this party served as a reunion. But then since we were late and we left early, we didnt have the chance to have a picture taken with the birthday celebrant. So what we did was just take pictures while we were there.

At the party with my son

At the party with my niece, Alych

Pogi Asejia

Mom and Dad

Alych, Asejia, Mommy and Dad

Cool isnt it?

Random Thoughts...

2009-03-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

- Just had footspa today with pedicure, wonder why I didnt have manicure as well.

- I love sleeping during rest days, why can't I sleep now?

- I have to trim down more, God take away the cravings!

- Why haven't I thought of goin to the gym? Urgh! Additional expenses!!

- I had skin peeling on the first week of March, my son has been waiting for the spots to disappear. I have to tell him, "its does not disappear like magic baby".

- Why did I prioritize fixing my teeth when my face needs major overhauling?

- Until when will I be working in this industry? Dont I really have any other choice?

- From Puerto Princessa to Cebu to Boracay. Who would have thought this will happen to me?

- What if we click??? What if we dont???

- I dont have a swimsuit and flipflops yet! Geez... this is what you call Summer last-minute-shopping.

- Now I believe that when one a door closes, a window opens. (Will write an entry about this once everything is "good").

- Hazel is on her 6th month of pregnancy. She will be gone again... Pity me!

- When will I have another baby? My ovaries are complaining already, I dont make use of them... ahahah!!

- I got my student driver's license back in December but until now, I dont know how to drive yet!

- I even dreamed last night about this. Me, TL and Hazel (still pregnant, mind u!) I was driving TL's car (which is very far from reality). Hazel drove first actually and I just replaced her. She was a bad driver as well. And even if Khenzo was all bruised and dented, we were all laughing because of the experience.

- I am waiting patiently for him... *dreaming* God!!! I just realize... 9 days more!!!

- I am happy and I deserve it!:-)

Missing You

2009-03-19T04:28:00.001+08:00

I love it when you say you miss me
cuz I know it means that I am in your thoughts
May it be in fragments or just a moment
It means so much for the longing heart in me...

I am not good in deciphering codes
I can also be clueless until given the hint
But I can never ignore a great man's heart
To make me feel loved in every part of me...

Your ways are just amazing
Your words keep me in awe
Your voice make me not only miss you more
But cries for the warmth of your touch.

Hope it will not end here

and I hope that what would bind us is not what we say...

......... But what we feel.

What You Have Done...

2009-03-19T04:26:00.000+08:00

Somewhere between your hi's and hello's
a connection has been made
no science could ever explain
but only the heart can comprehend.

It is not by ordinary routine
nor by erratic chance
when you would find someone
who will linger forever in your thoughts
but some wont stay to cause you good
neither to complete your missing puzzle.

Words arent just made to express your feelings
sincerity should emerge from your lines
for delicate hearts reading these
would fall into your pit of endearment.

Thoughts, how simple may it seem
would always be enough for a crying heart.
no need to exaggerate, no need to put too much metaphors.
mean it dear... mean your every word...

I am here
whether you're awake or asleep
you will always feel my touch
in every corner of your heart
and i want you to feel this longing
that only you only fulfill.

To You... Yes, You!!!!

2009-03-11T04:37:00.002+08:00

In just a few days from now, I will be seeing you
We will meet each other face to face
I will see that you are for real
And I will see your soul in those eyes

This will be a proof of our friendship.
After the years on constant hi's and hello's
Finally your presence will make a difference
And will prove more of what you are and what we could be.

This would be the first time
And first time is hard
This can make or break us
But I know we can work it out

Hope this would be a start of something wonderful
We both may not know what road is ahead of us
But I keep my fingers crossed
That we may share something forever.

To you, my special one
I can only say thank you
For your kindness, trust and generosity
Whatever your reason is for doing this
I can only be grateful... til the end.

Best Friends

2009-03-08T02:01:00.005+08:00

When I went out last Friday to finish something, a friend of mine had to ask why I go out on my own. He had to ask where my best friend is and why didnt I ask her to go out with me since he knows that I dont have a boyfriend at the moment.

I suddenly felt lonely ... After realizing that it has been months since I have last seen them and that I miss their company.

Yeah, I have 2 bestfriends. And they dont know each other. (Para walang away at selosan)

The first I have is Vina, whom I have met when I was in High School. It started out when I joined their dance group - TOO YOUNG GUYZ. Corny pa un pangalan aheheh!!! I was not asked to join by the way, ahehehe... I just volunteered.:-)

The rest is history so to speak. But what is vivid in my memory is that, she has been with me althrough out the years in High School. I was also her match maker and her chaperon, aheheh... I set up their secret meetings and I would relay messages for them. She ended up marrying that guy :-).... but not for long :-(

With Vina and her partner Borgie last December 2008.

The second is Ana, whom I have met when I was in college. Our beginning is a bit different from what I had with Vina. Ana and I started with a fight, a fight I really didnt intend to happen. Her personality is just different with mine. But after that incident, we realized that we have something for each other.

She has seen me in my most trying times. She was with me when I got pregnant and when I was still trying to recover from the pain of my failed relationship with the dad of my kid. I have spent some time with her and her family more than my own family when I was in college. I lived in their place and we slept in one bed ...just like real sisters.

During my visit last year at her place after 7 years of no communication.

Sad to say, we have our own priorities now. Ana has 2 kids already and is living in Dasmariñas, Cavite. Vina on the other hand, has one daughter and has a partner and is living in Sta. Rosa Laguna. I can try to do the effort to meet up with them, but I have my own priorities as well. I dont have the time in my hands. Plus, I have a different schedule. Though Vina and I both work at night, our rest days are different.

I really miss their friendship and their company. They are the people who know me inside and out. With whom I can tell my innermost thoughts. With whom I can be my self regardless of the situation.

I dont know if I would still have another one in this life time. Hopefully I can find one who will stick with me throughout the rest of my life.

Countdown Starts Now!!!

2009-03-01T06:14:00.003+08:00

Take me now....

Boracay

Palawan

My Greatest Fear

2009-03-01T05:13:00.002+08:00

I was asked by a friend thru text what my greatest fear is. At that moment, I wasnt able to give out any answer because I was not in the mood to reply to the question. But the question rang thru my mind over and over again. It also made me thought what I really fear the most in my life.

At the age of 28, I envy my friends who at the late 20's of their age already has a family of their own and is managing their lives pretty well. Who has detached themselves to their parents and is already running their lives like they should. I also envy those single friends of mine who manages to keep up with life on their own without or less responbilities. They, who the problem is only to get by day by day. Who doesnt have other people to worry about but themselves.

It's not that I regret that I have a kid. A big NO! My son has been the most special gift I have. First because, I realized that I can bear a child, a healthy and normal child. Second is that, I found out that I wouldnt be having a sensitive pregnancy unlike other people who are advised by their physicians to stay in bed until the due date( which actually happened to my cousin's wife ). And lastly, I have proven that I can rear my kid according to the norm.

So what's my greatest fear then?

I actually have a few... and I know you would understand why.

I am afraid of getting old alone. Soon as my son wishes to marry his dream girl, I would be left on my own. Though my son has asked me several times if im willing to take care of his kid, I know there would be a lot of changes in our lives that we have to go through and making plans right now will be futile.

I am afraid of losing my loved ones. You would all agree with me on this. Not only my family but also those people whom I have shared my life with. It takes time for me to get over, thats a fact. How I wish my parents wont get old that fast...

I am afraid that I wont be able to fulfill what is expected from me. Whatever the case may be, may it be work related or with regard to family issues. This has happened to me a lot of times before and I know I need to make it up to them. I dont know how and when to start but I know it can be NOW.

Sometimes the more you fear of something, the more that it would be given to you just to challenge you or test your personality. Whatever is in store for me I would gladly welcome it and learn from the experience.

It's not too late... I know I still have the chance to make it up. I just hope I would always have the support from my friends and my family.

So there, I have shared mine. What's yours?

It is INDEED your Turn

2009-02-26T05:44:00.004+08:00

Finally, it is your turn to have an entry in my blog KUMANDER!!! You deserve it since you will be (sadly) be having your own team.

You got it right! She just got promoted! Our TSL Kumander will no longer be our TSL.

This is REALLY a good news for her and her family. After being promoted last year to a TSL, this year she is promoted again!!! That should prove something right?

I will miss her. Truly... I will miss her stories regarding her colorful lovelife. I will miss our heart to heart talk during coaching our sessions. I will also miss her, sometimes provoking approach. And most of all, I will miss our friendship.

I will always think of the day that I cried to you... When I was having a bad day and a bad case of heartache. You got me enlightened and renewed.

I just hope that you will take with you the culture that we have in the team. That you will continue to grow in your field. That you will improve with your leadership skills and that you will never forget what your TL has honed you to be.

Thanks for everything girl. I know you deserve this promotion. I will still see you.

Congratulations!!!

Me and My Kumander

Check her blog : Kumander's Site

Pahabol:
Bkit kumader? Kase under ako sa kanya... ahehehe!!!