Random Thoughts

Love me
and take me as I am...

or

See me walk away
as I leave.

First in 2012

After some time of being at home and drowning myself with boredom, got the chance to spend quality time with colleagues after shift. Was with Jops, Ja, Leigh and Lyan.

Good talk. Good laugh. Good company. Thank you Lord for this :-)

Unplanned gimmicks,as they say, tend to be more fulfilling. And yes it true indeed!

Here we go Tagaytay!

Thanks to Buon Giorno!

>

OH! This is my first post for this year! More good vibey!!!!

Choices, Decisions and Consequences

I've seen this statement on a friend's Facebook wall and it suddenly hit me hard how I've managed to live my life.

CHOICES: You are faced with a lot of choices in life. From the time that you open your eyes for a new day, you choose whether to hover in bed a little longer or should you get up to do your daily routine. Simple as it may seem, this is just an example of the choices that you make.

Choices may also be complicated, to the extent that you have to consider the feelings of others or the welfare of your beloved. These choices may also put you on a spot where you cant decide which of which should you opt to. Dilemma-when both or all choices laid on the table seem worthwhile and beneficial.

After the mind boggling series of questions on what choice to select, you, with a brave heart and soul, would finally decide which decision or path to take. In one way or the other, you've thought so hard about the if's and but's of it. You may have also considered emotions, time, background, foresight and so on and so forth.

What could be tough in decision-making? It may not be the best option to all people concerned. It can be a selfish cry to let other people allow you to decide on your own and respect your decision. It may entail big commitments, life-changing paradigm or a bigger picture of what life means for you.




Ideally, your decision should work the way that you have created in your mind or as what you may have expected. But not all decisions can be right. Not all decisions are carefully thought of. Not all of them are planned intelligently. Sooner or later, outside forces(yeah, outside and negative forces!), may come to ruin that perfect world that you have imagined. Breaking down the walls of your security and burning the garden of your happiness until it has turned into ashes.

Stunned by the moment of truth, you persist. Futile attempts are then made to revive what has been lost. Gathering all the strength that you have and succumbing to the last straw of hope. But can it be revived? Would it all be worth it? Would it be closer to reality this time?

Consequently, your decision may turn you into a mess. Wrong decisions may put you in that awkward moment or in a no-way-out situation... And this may have been avoided had it been that you have looked outside of scenario.

But it's not bad news all the time. There are good decisions too that end up with lasting results for you and the people that matters to you.With this, you would feel that you have overcome the strongest of the strongest and would lift you in the pedestal. Because you have made the right decision.

That is life... We choose. We decide. We face the consequence. At the end of the day, you must learn from the consequence of your decision. Otherwise, you might be a victim again of your impulsive decisions... then history would repeat itself.

I have had so many decisions that led me nowhere but there have been some that took me to where I am now. Though I may not be entirely happy with how things have become, I'm still proud... and I will continue to look at the brighter side of this thing called LIFE!

7 Days More and 10 Days to Savor!

 

It is indeed 7 days from today and I will be seeing my sister again! Who would not be excited?!! It has been a year since she left. Finally we will be complete again! Can't wait...

And yeah, after that we will have 10 days to catch up and make another day memorable. Too bad I can't be on leave while she is here. :-(

Welcome Back sis!!!

Goodbye June!

The month has just ended. But the events that unfolded has not...

Training is still ongoing. This is good! More training classes means more people to meet. Teaching what they ought to do is just superficial, I want to influence more people... to be better. Moreover, I get to learn a lot of things from them too! And this what makes me more excited about the people that I meet. Though I must admit, I envy my colleagues who are being trained now for the new system. Can't wait for my turn!

End of another relationship. This is not really something new, right? But what is different in this case is that we didn't fight. We didn't have issues (or just based from the way I see it!). I guess some things are just out of your control and you have to decide on what really matters to you or to your partner.

The end of June means seeing my sister again! Oh yeah! She is gonna fly back to the Philippines on the 3rd week of July and will be spending time with her again. This means we're gonna be complete again!!! Wohooo! Uhmmm.... what should I ask for "pasalubong"? Naaah! Just your presence is good, Sis!

Have u noticed it? It's the middle of the year! Wow!!! 6 months more and we're about to end another year. I'm not trying to rush things here, I am just excited to receive my 13th month, waheheh!!!

Let me end this post with my favorite song for this month - by Katherine Mcphee. Click here:
Terrified

On Raising a Child... Alone

11 years ago, I had an unwanted pregnancy. I was in my second year in college and was very active in our club and with my studies. I was part of the student council during college and I was a member of the Maharlika Dance Troupe (PUP's Cultural Dance Group). So to speak, I was very famous but not really hot, aheheh.

Anyway, then it happened...

I had to stop from studying for a year. I didn't want to go to school with my big belly. I didn't want people talking how I got pregnant when they didn’t really see me and my boyfriend together most of the time. Yes, our relationship was not really something neither I or the people around me had expected.

They said being pregnant is not a choice. It is not an option whether to keep the baby or not. It is a responsibility. Whether you are ready for it or not, you have to take it.
I was bounded to humiliation. I also got scared. Everything was uncertain. I didn’t know how I would be able to finish my studies once I give birth. I didn’t know how to tell my mom. I didn’t know how I would be providing for my baby’s needs.
And I was not ready to be a mom…

But like what true friends would always say, God will never give me something I cannot bear. I took all the courage and faced my pregnancy.
I took a part time job until I gave birth. I had to work as a part time instructor in a Technical School. If I remember it correctly, they paid me Php25.00 per hour. Not enough for my regular check up and my vitamins and not enough for me to save for my hospital bills once I deliver my kid. But I survived. Thanks to the Government Health Center. Thanks to the midwife who witnessed my labor pains and stitched my wound.

After some months, I went back to school. Everything was different. I had to go to a class where everyone was a stranger. I had to stop being a member of the dance group. I also had to decline the proposal to run the student council . I didn’t have time in my hands. I had a different priority already.
To make things worse for me, my boyfriend (at that time) and I had a rift. It was another cross for me to bear. Another shot of humiliation. After fighting for us and for my feelings, I had to give up. He married another woman whom he had also impregnated. I can’t describe how excruciating the pain was. All I remember was, I was at his house on his wedding day and I cried in his arms before he left to see his wife-to-be.

I struggled… emotionally and psychologically. I lost my self esteem. I believed that people had thought less of me. My paranoia killed my relationships and I jumped from one relationship to another. I even thought of taking my life just to end the pain and the hardship.

Despite these, I had to be a mom. This was what had moved me to continue life. My life is not my own the moment I delivered him to this world. It was not his fault that my life had to be difficult. So life must go on…

My life as a mom was really challenging. It took me a while to accept that I am a single mom. There were times that I could not tell my friends or suitors that I had a kid. There were days as well when I would choose to go out with friends instead of baby-sitting. Aside from this, I could not provide a lot of the things that he needed as a kid. My presence was an issue since I worked at night so we spent less time together. I was not financially stable that I could not afford to send him to a good school or even pay for a private tutor. I could not squander for a grand celebration of his birthday every year. I could not buy all the toys that he wished for and so many other things…
But all throughout these years, there are two things I’m happy about me being a mom… That I am gifted with the most supportive and understanding Mom and sister, and that I am gifted with the sweetest and loveable son.
I will never forget how, during my trying times, I was surrounded by prayers and encouraging words from my mom; how my sister shared her stories in life and taught me how to be a better me. My kid on the other hand didn’t push for his wants. He would understand if I would tell him that we couldn’t buy the toy he wanted because I could not afford it. He would not also ask for money all the time, may it be for his school allowance or for ‘meryenda’. He would just be contented with the sandwich and chocolate drink that I would store in his lunch box.

At his age, you would think he may have grown insensitive and a bit cold. But he is not. In fact, he is now concerned on how our future would be once he finishes college and be ready to get married. I remember during one of our conversations, he cried while asking me “What if I can’t take care of you when you’re old because I don’t have a good job? What if I can’t visit you when you’re in the hospital?” Sweet? I would say that is LOVE.

Whenever I would go back to the time that I learned that I was pregnant, I would always remember how I have thought twice on keeping my baby. But looking at how he has grown up and how I have molded him to be a good boy makes me realize how glad am I that I didn't listen to the evil voice. I am grateful that I took responsibility and didn't falter in spite of.

Time may have already changed some of the things right now. But one thing remains, he is the reason why I am here and he will always be my little baby.


Me and the only man in my life

Missing In Action

Yes, I've been away from the blogging world. I must admit my work has taken so much from me that I rarely had the time to compose my thoughts and bring it into words. But lately, I feel like tinkering with my ideas and thinking of a new topic to blog about.

Let me see where I can start...

Von Viajero's Blog: Anyone Interested?

just helping out my frend...


Von Viajero's Blog: Anyone Interested?: "Okay, not to me... (yuck, kapal!!!) Haha. But to this equipment. It's a Studio 3 all-in-one work-out equipment. I am selling this and if yo..."

Somewhere Down the Road

Originally sung by B. Manilow.

This song often reminds me how much I have wished I would still end up with my EX. But truth of the matter is, he wont. He never will. Because he has already done his part in my life. All I have to do now is to learn the lesson from my past and hopefully gain the courage to face the reality that we are never meant to be...

The Time Has Come

After 2 years and 6 months of being a teammate in our company I have finally been promoted!

It was indeed good news. And it was a position in the company that I have always dreamed to have but has never thought that I would have the chance.

Things happened so fast. And I must say that everything came as a surprise.

It all started with an interview that was never mentioned to us til the very day of the interview. I was even half awake when I read the message. Funny thing was, I didnt realize that I was an hour an a half away from the scheduled interview! You wouldnt believe how I made it on the interview!

The following day, I was notified that I was short listed! This was already a big achievement for me! Truth of the matter is, I have never been short listed before. So for me, this was already a gift. At least I have proven somehow that I have an edge.

I arrived two hours before the schedule. Of course I have to prepare and have the correct mind setting before I fought in the war; before I face these people who will judge me and will gauge my skills if I would be appropriate for the position. I honestly think I am not really good in impressing people and I am not good in selling my self to the extent of boasting.. I am scared that they would have a negative impression of me. I guess that applies for everyone.

But anyway, I had to wait for 5 hours for my turn. Yes. 5 long hours. 5 hours of anticipating. 5 hours of strong throbbing of my heart. 5 hours of cold and sweating hands. 5 hours of thinking how I should present my self.

For every applicant, one hour was the least that was given to prove what u got.

I was the 6^th out of the 7 who got short listed. And when my turn came, all I had in mind was just to have the discussion end and carry on with my life.

I must admit I was overwhelmed with the responses I have received after the interview. I must also say that the sincerity of what I said during that time exuded that it got so apparent that the panel of interviewers need not to question.

I have received positive feedback. Not to mention that some has even called me or sent me a message just to let me know how impressed they were. Modesty aside, they even said that it was only with me that they clapped their hands just to show how impressed they were with me.

I had to wait for a week. A week that felt longer than the usual.

The big day has finally arrived. The day that declared I am now a trainer!

Yup, I am now a trainer. Like what I have mentioned earlier, I have never thought that I would be one. For me, it is a position that is highly classified. Big wing position.

Big thanks to my TL, James Leyson, my mentor. For the last couple of years, he has molded me to be what I am today. Your leadership has been exceptional that I am looking up to you.

To my significant other, DKA. You are my lucky charm I guess aheheh.:P

To my family, for all the support. I may have not been always there for you and I know I have to make it up to all of you big time. And I'm sorry for all my shortcomings.

And to God, thanks for hearing my prayers. And big thanks for giving me this gift.... the skill to teach.

This is just the beginning....

Christmas '09

This has been loooong overdue!

But since I have made a promise to my blog that I will be posting about how my Christmas went, then I have to post these pics.

Better late than never, aheheh!!!

Christmas gifts from friends and family

My niece Alych and my god daughter Leigh with brother EG Boy

Picture below shows me with my nieces Alych and Aleeia, my son Asejia.

Again EG boy and Leigh

Christmas '09 is sharing...

This year I shared!!! :-)

I have really prepared something for those kids who will be dropping by to ask for gifts. Honestly this is the first time that I will be doing this.

I guess my son like the idea so he woke up early to help me out.

See him in his PJ's ahehehe!!!

Coaching and Traning

I'm now on my second month!



Been fortunate enough to be selected as one of the coaches for the new hires in our company. And I must say that I was lucky to handle 2 classes.

What's so special about it?

Aside from the fact that I got the chance to be off the phone for 2 months, I was also able to play an important role in displaying and inculcating the "Culture" in our work place. This comes as the primary responsibility of the coach in every training class. Second is of course to disseminate the process and procedure in terms of our line of business.

I am truly happy for this oppurtunity. I must say that not every one gets the chance to be a coach. And with all honesty, I hope this would help me as well to improve more on my leadership.

Goodluck to my Class!!!!

Sun Kissed!

It may be a little bit late for me to post about my summer escapade but I will be posting it anyway. :D This is actually the first time that I had a looong vacation with friends. I'm talking about 5 days of nothing but fun, water and sun. We stayed at La Carmela for the rest of the vacation. And most of the time, we were out in the sun and we just come to our room to change clothes, aheheh! Anyway, on our first day we tried the ZORB. I am not really an adrenaline junkie but since I was pushed by my friends, I had no choice but to succumb! We tried the extreme type, where in your body will just be attached in the inside of this huge inflatable wall and you will come rolling down the hill! Imagine how many times you would be going in circles and feel your body touching the ground!!! I will be honest with you here, I really felt my body ached after the ride.

Here I am efore the ride. See me scared as sh*t!!!

Here is a snip of the Zorb ride.

Big Mouth for Lunch!

With Aldrin (Hazel's hubby) and Hazel trying our biggie drinks.

Boracay trip is not complete without a mark, Henna time!

Another thing we tried in Boracay is the Reef Walking. I guess it's just 15 feet underwater and it's not really that scary... Not unless you're claustrophobic. I must say I got little scared at first. I was thinking, what if I won't be able to breathe upon wearing that helmet? What if the helmet floated and leaves my head? What if a shark suddenly pops up? Of course, none of those happened. It's just the result of my great imagination, aheheh! We stayed underwater for 30 minutes. And yes it is something that is worth my PHP 500.00!!! It was only the weight of the helmet that I can't help... But of course it becomes bearable under the water. :D

Here's the video of our Marine Walk


Now to end this post, see the blissful peace of the water in Boracay....

Will certainly miss the place and the memories....

Can't Make You Love Me - my version

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don’t patronize
Don’t patronize me

‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
And I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

I’ll close my eyes and then I won’t see
The love you do not feel, when you’re holding me
Morning will come, and I’ll do what’s right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

And I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no, you won’t
And I can’t make you love me
If you don’t

How I Wish...

How I Wish.....

I can see your face

touch your cheeks

and run my fingers through your hair

look straight to your eyes

and get lost in the dream....

How I Wish....

I can smell the fragrance of your presence

and feel the warmth of your hands on my shoulder

See through the wonders of your smiles

and wander through the vast emptiness

of the love that had been.

How I Wish...

My words would be filled with meaning

to inspire my thoughts

Conceal the pain of the past

and decipher what the future beholds.

How I Wish...

That my hands would fit yours everytime we touch

would complement the difference of our worlds.

Forget the traces of our history

and face the hurdles of destiny with great bravery...

How I Wish ...

But sadly dreams don't come true....

Poetic Side of Him

Drown me in your hazel eyes enigma

Jaded me in your black hair ringlet

Put your charm spells in my sleep

Put your insanity spells in my dreams

Who needs awakening ?

Who needs asleep ?

And you are back

And you are here .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Now with you and me

I feel whole once more

Together in eternity

Forget what it is for

I think I'd hide away

If you ever said goodbye

I think I'd lose myself

No more reasons to ask why.

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JUST SMILE

Your smile makes me feel happy,

gives me a warm glow inside,

makes the day seem lighter

and drama to subside.

so my happy queen
lighten up all you serious ones,
lighten up all you important ones,
lighten up all you forever ones,

and smile away your cares,

you give me one,
you'll get one free,

resolve to be happy,

spread cheer to me and dears,
drama are one mind exclusive
smile are life of joy exclusive
that’s why smile are contagious, not tears.

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REIGN OF LOVE

Reign of love

I can’t let go

Reign of love

I believe in you
To the sea I offer

This heavy load
But the sea
said go to the lord lord

oh lord
I’m just a prisoner

In a reign of love
Please help me
lord
oh lord
this Reign of love

By the church
By the mosques
my knees go praying
Don't you see me praying
Please help me
Lord.. lord hear me praying
I am waiting for my

Reign of love

lord
oh lord
How I wish I'd lived
I'd lifted
I'd raised
I'd felt
I'd understood
my Reign of love

lord
oh lord
I miss her
I never thinking of a girl in this obsess
You can judge meIf you know her so well

lord
oh lord
That girl, that girl She's mine
lord
oh lord
I miss her

I am sorry

New Crib Update

Yes we have finally moved in the new house (which has actually caused me to be in Hiatus in the internet world for almost a month! Thanks to PLDT's slow customer sevice and service update! )

Anyhow, let me give you a glimpse of how that house actually looked like a day before we transferred.

Here is where you would see how this house looked like before we moved in.

This is actually my mom's idea. She took care of everything... from the paper works to the last nail in this house. It was such an accomplishment to see how it turned out. My dad is glad to see the big change in the house. That despite of the fact that we were not anticipating this at all, we were able to share what we can share to be able to finish this project. And that includes our finances.

It was not only the finances that hit us real hard. There were some people who we thought would help us out in this project turned out to take advantage of my mom's kindness. In the end we had to pay twice for the construction since first one didn't do the job right and purchasing cans of paints and bags of cements that we didn't see being applied in the house. But nowhere to be found.

I guess that will be the little lesson learned out of this experience Ü

Soon I will be posting the pictures when we got in already and when the house already looks like a home. You know how chaotic it is to move in right? Believe me, I don't know how we got through it aheheh!


Feel free to visit me!!!

UPDATE!!!

I kept my word!

I am proud to say that for the last 6 months of the year 2009, I have kept my promise not to be in any kind of relationship.

The time to redeem my self from the wreckage had to end.

I have to end it.

Though it would be hypocrite for me to say that I am totally over.

But at least I tried to find my self even thru pain.

It would still need more time to completely heal the scars... I dont even know if it would be healed. Nevertheless, I know I have done something right for my self.

At this point, all I can do is just pray. Pray that I won't commit the same mistakes again. Pray that I wouldn't stumble at every rock that I trip on. Pray that I wont falter on every test of faith from Him.

And I pray that this year, will be my year!

Yahooo!!!!

After so many years of wanting and wishing to have one, finally here it is!

I am not really a fan of Starbucks coffee because I find it a bit expensive for coffee. But at times, when pressure and loneliness dwell, it becomes worth it! :D

Have to save this space to thank my friends who contributed to this success (Wahehehe!!) Raine, Hazel, Kaye, Eric and Sherrie.