Choices, Decisions and Consequences

I've seen this statement on a friend's Facebook wall and it suddenly hit me hard how I've managed to live my life.

CHOICES: You are faced with a lot of choices in life. From the time that you open your eyes for a new day, you choose whether to hover in bed a little longer or should you get up to do your daily routine. Simple as it may seem, this is just an example of the choices that you make.

Choices may also be complicated, to the extent that you have to consider the feelings of others or the welfare of your beloved. These choices may also put you on a spot where you cant decide which of which should you opt to. Dilemma-when both or all choices laid on the table seem worthwhile and beneficial.

After the mind boggling series of questions on what choice to select, you, with a brave heart and soul, would finally decide which decision or path to take. In one way or the other, you've thought so hard about the if's and but's of it. You may have also considered emotions, time, background, foresight and so on and so forth.

What could be tough in decision-making? It may not be the best option to all people concerned. It can be a selfish cry to let other people allow you to decide on your own and respect your decision. It may entail big commitments, life-changing paradigm or a bigger picture of what life means for you.




Ideally, your decision should work the way that you have created in your mind or as what you may have expected. But not all decisions can be right. Not all decisions are carefully thought of. Not all of them are planned intelligently. Sooner or later, outside forces(yeah, outside and negative forces!), may come to ruin that perfect world that you have imagined. Breaking down the walls of your security and burning the garden of your happiness until it has turned into ashes.

Stunned by the moment of truth, you persist. Futile attempts are then made to revive what has been lost. Gathering all the strength that you have and succumbing to the last straw of hope. But can it be revived? Would it all be worth it? Would it be closer to reality this time?

Consequently, your decision may turn you into a mess. Wrong decisions may put you in that awkward moment or in a no-way-out situation... And this may have been avoided had it been that you have looked outside of scenario.

But it's not bad news all the time. There are good decisions too that end up with lasting results for you and the people that matters to you.With this, you would feel that you have overcome the strongest of the strongest and would lift you in the pedestal. Because you have made the right decision.

That is life... We choose. We decide. We face the consequence. At the end of the day, you must learn from the consequence of your decision. Otherwise, you might be a victim again of your impulsive decisions... then history would repeat itself.

I have had so many decisions that led me nowhere but there have been some that took me to where I am now. Though I may not be entirely happy with how things have become, I'm still proud... and I will continue to look at the brighter side of this thing called LIFE!

7 Days More and 10 Days to Savor!

 

It is indeed 7 days from today and I will be seeing my sister again! Who would not be excited?!! It has been a year since she left. Finally we will be complete again! Can't wait...

And yeah, after that we will have 10 days to catch up and make another day memorable. Too bad I can't be on leave while she is here. :-(

Welcome Back sis!!!

Goodbye June!

The month has just ended. But the events that unfolded has not...

Training is still ongoing. This is good! More training classes means more people to meet. Teaching what they ought to do is just superficial, I want to influence more people... to be better. Moreover, I get to learn a lot of things from them too! And this what makes me more excited about the people that I meet. Though I must admit, I envy my colleagues who are being trained now for the new system. Can't wait for my turn!

End of another relationship. This is not really something new, right? But what is different in this case is that we didn't fight. We didn't have issues (or just based from the way I see it!). I guess some things are just out of your control and you have to decide on what really matters to you or to your partner.

The end of June means seeing my sister again! Oh yeah! She is gonna fly back to the Philippines on the 3rd week of July and will be spending time with her again. This means we're gonna be complete again!!! Wohooo! Uhmmm.... what should I ask for "pasalubong"? Naaah! Just your presence is good, Sis!

Have u noticed it? It's the middle of the year! Wow!!! 6 months more and we're about to end another year. I'm not trying to rush things here, I am just excited to receive my 13th month, waheheh!!!

Let me end this post with my favorite song for this month - by Katherine Mcphee. Click here:
Terrified

On Raising a Child... Alone

11 years ago, I had an unwanted pregnancy. I was in my second year in college and was very active in our club and with my studies. I was part of the student council during college and I was a member of the Maharlika Dance Troupe (PUP's Cultural Dance Group). So to speak, I was very famous but not really hot, aheheh.

Anyway, then it happened...

I had to stop from studying for a year. I didn't want to go to school with my big belly. I didn't want people talking how I got pregnant when they didn’t really see me and my boyfriend together most of the time. Yes, our relationship was not really something neither I or the people around me had expected.

They said being pregnant is not a choice. It is not an option whether to keep the baby or not. It is a responsibility. Whether you are ready for it or not, you have to take it.
I was bounded to humiliation. I also got scared. Everything was uncertain. I didn’t know how I would be able to finish my studies once I give birth. I didn’t know how to tell my mom. I didn’t know how I would be providing for my baby’s needs.
And I was not ready to be a mom…

But like what true friends would always say, God will never give me something I cannot bear. I took all the courage and faced my pregnancy.
I took a part time job until I gave birth. I had to work as a part time instructor in a Technical School. If I remember it correctly, they paid me Php25.00 per hour. Not enough for my regular check up and my vitamins and not enough for me to save for my hospital bills once I deliver my kid. But I survived. Thanks to the Government Health Center. Thanks to the midwife who witnessed my labor pains and stitched my wound.

After some months, I went back to school. Everything was different. I had to go to a class where everyone was a stranger. I had to stop being a member of the dance group. I also had to decline the proposal to run the student council . I didn’t have time in my hands. I had a different priority already.
To make things worse for me, my boyfriend (at that time) and I had a rift. It was another cross for me to bear. Another shot of humiliation. After fighting for us and for my feelings, I had to give up. He married another woman whom he had also impregnated. I can’t describe how excruciating the pain was. All I remember was, I was at his house on his wedding day and I cried in his arms before he left to see his wife-to-be.

I struggled… emotionally and psychologically. I lost my self esteem. I believed that people had thought less of me. My paranoia killed my relationships and I jumped from one relationship to another. I even thought of taking my life just to end the pain and the hardship.

Despite these, I had to be a mom. This was what had moved me to continue life. My life is not my own the moment I delivered him to this world. It was not his fault that my life had to be difficult. So life must go on…

My life as a mom was really challenging. It took me a while to accept that I am a single mom. There were times that I could not tell my friends or suitors that I had a kid. There were days as well when I would choose to go out with friends instead of baby-sitting. Aside from this, I could not provide a lot of the things that he needed as a kid. My presence was an issue since I worked at night so we spent less time together. I was not financially stable that I could not afford to send him to a good school or even pay for a private tutor. I could not squander for a grand celebration of his birthday every year. I could not buy all the toys that he wished for and so many other things…
But all throughout these years, there are two things I’m happy about me being a mom… That I am gifted with the most supportive and understanding Mom and sister, and that I am gifted with the sweetest and loveable son.
I will never forget how, during my trying times, I was surrounded by prayers and encouraging words from my mom; how my sister shared her stories in life and taught me how to be a better me. My kid on the other hand didn’t push for his wants. He would understand if I would tell him that we couldn’t buy the toy he wanted because I could not afford it. He would not also ask for money all the time, may it be for his school allowance or for ‘meryenda’. He would just be contented with the sandwich and chocolate drink that I would store in his lunch box.

At his age, you would think he may have grown insensitive and a bit cold. But he is not. In fact, he is now concerned on how our future would be once he finishes college and be ready to get married. I remember during one of our conversations, he cried while asking me “What if I can’t take care of you when you’re old because I don’t have a good job? What if I can’t visit you when you’re in the hospital?” Sweet? I would say that is LOVE.

Whenever I would go back to the time that I learned that I was pregnant, I would always remember how I have thought twice on keeping my baby. But looking at how he has grown up and how I have molded him to be a good boy makes me realize how glad am I that I didn't listen to the evil voice. I am grateful that I took responsibility and didn't falter in spite of.

Time may have already changed some of the things right now. But one thing remains, he is the reason why I am here and he will always be my little baby.


Me and the only man in my life

Missing In Action

Yes, I've been away from the blogging world. I must admit my work has taken so much from me that I rarely had the time to compose my thoughts and bring it into words. But lately, I feel like tinkering with my ideas and thinking of a new topic to blog about.

Let me see where I can start...