Finally!!!
It was the longest morning and the most anticipated afternoon for me. Why? Because this was the day that MY MAN would arrive from his country. And yes, finally the very, very long wait was over. :-)
At 6:oo in the morning, I received an SMS from him. He was already onboard. A wide smile suddenly came across my face. He was really coming. It was not a joke. He was really coming home!
I didn’t sleep the entire day. I kept glancing at the clock. I kept thinking of what he could he doing that moment; what could he be thinking. Could he be thinking of me all throughout the 11 hours that he was crossing the ocean? Wasn’t he also able to sleep because he couldn’t wait to see me? Did he also feel nervous for this first meeting?
I was also thinking what would be the best clothes to wear. I even had asked my friend, Hazel, if wearing a dress would be appropriate. But she said I had to keep it simple so as not to drive him to insanity, aheheh! I was also thinking how he would really look in person. How I would greet him. How I should smile at him. I should look my best because I want to make a good impression.
Minutes had turned to hours. It was as if the longest day that I had to endure. Even if I kept my self at ease at home, my mind was in a good state of wreck.
Excitement was an understatement. I was more than excited. I couldn’t describe how I felt when I left home to pick him up at the airport. I was like a little girl who would be going to the carnival for the first time. I wanted to run and take a ride quickly but I know I would trip because my head was in the sky. Looking at any airplane that passed by. Wondering if that plane was his plane.
On my way, I felt butterflies in my stomach. A lot of them. As much I tried to stay calm in front of people, my heart was really pounding. I was like a criminal who would be facing a judge in court and would be waiting for my verdict. I still kept looking at the time on my phone. Worried that something might happen to me along the way and would end up somewhere else. I remember his words that once he arrived and he didn’t see me in 3 hours, he would take the next flight back home. I couldn’t let that happen. Not now. Never.
When I arrived at the airport, the TV monitor gave me the biggest shock that day. It said that his plane had already arrived!!! “Whaaaat? I haven’t retouched my make up yet! Great!!”
Since I was alone, I had no one to share my excitement with. I had no one to tell me to fix my lipstick or to just say that I looked ok. The nervousness that I felt earlier felt greater. Almost telling me that I would faint. But no, I don’t want that scene. I don’t want our first meeting to be in the hospital instead of the airport.
As I paced my self back and forth the waiting area, I kept looking for his sign. I know I would notice him quickly. My heart would tell. But as each person went down the stairs the more that I grew impatient. It was like 30 minutes and counting but still no sign of him. The camera they had there didn’t help me because I wanted to look farther than what the screen showed.
Then I got a call. From a number I didn’t recognize. Though hesitant, I still picked up the phone. It was him!!!! It was MY MAN!!!
I walked past through the people as I find my way to him. Not withstanding the fact that the crowd was bigger than me. But my feet took me to the right direction. And I saw him waiting for me at the other end.
I didn’t jump to embrace him. I didn’t kiss him with the most passionate one. He didn’t carry me to kiss and hug me. No, it was not like the movies.
I really didn’t notice that I was already in front of him. My eyes immediately met his. And his smile met mine. As I looked in his eyes, my eyes tried to search deeper. Searching for what I have been wanting to know all this time. But his smile was so radiant. Almost telling me not to look further because he was here and that should answer my questions.
There was a far cry in my heart to let him know the joy I felt upon seeing him. That I could still not believe that he was here. That I really wanted to hug him tightly and thank him for just being there. But my longing to do so just ended with a touch in his arm. I was shy!!
But he didn’t spare a moment, he held my hand as if not letting go. It was the warmest touch that my hand had felt. It sent a sensation to my mind. And my mind just whispered to my heart and my heart pounded again. More than what it did earlier. This time it didn’t just pumped blood all over my body and it pumped love all throughout my veins.
I don’t know how I would measure the happiness I felt upon seeing him, for real. And every time I remember how that day went, I still couldn’t hide to draw a smile in my face even if I am alone. I always wanted to go back to that day. That day that I thought would just be a dream. That day that just turned out to be one of the happiest days of my life.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Normal Forgetfulness
This is just a normal episode of forgetting a word or a person's name. It can also be forgetting some stuff you have at times. I said at times.
Why I posted about this is because I recently notice that I am forgetting a lot of stuff. I hate it. It may be a coincidence but having two or more in a day is somehow unacceptable.
So I had to check the reason, and thank you Google for the prompt reply. I will just post some since I dont think the other reasons are applicable to me.
Following physical and mental factors may affect your ability to remember:
- Normal aging (O my!!! Im getting old!!)
- Persistent mental thoughts or self-arguments debilitate mental make-up (hmmm... this may be patially true)
- Inattentiveness, mind far away from the actual physical surroundings (aheheh.. my mind is with him...)
- Habit of repeating the same mistakes again and again; do not learn from past experiences. (Does this mean, mistakes in your love life?)
- Persistent Depression - causing forgetfulness and lack of concentration. (hmmm... I get depress sometimes but not persistent!)
- Anxiety (oh yeah!)
- Other Emotional problems, tendency towards concealing grief, mental torture, fear, desperation, pessimism, impatience behavior, terror, panic, after effect of shock etc. (hmmm... could be...)
- Always thinks of the past and dwell upon past regrets and sorrows (swak na swak!!!)
In short, it has something to do with Negative Emotions. Emotional Imbalance.This is caused more by emotional than physical. Example given were bad relationship, poor self image, a history of abuse, stress, frustration. These may be some of the factors that change your overall attitude towards life which may directly impede your overall performance. Such tendencies are deep-rooted in mind and nurtured by excessive negative emotions.
So to lessen the Negative emotions, we have to psyche up. Balance Emotions. Psyche and shape your innate behaviour in a way to face every life challenge by avoiding pessimistic approach towards life.
And so the game is on... I will work on being optimistic on every thing. Good luck!!!
Why I posted about this is because I recently notice that I am forgetting a lot of stuff. I hate it. It may be a coincidence but having two or more in a day is somehow unacceptable.
So I had to check the reason, and thank you Google for the prompt reply. I will just post some since I dont think the other reasons are applicable to me.
Following physical and mental factors may affect your ability to remember:
- Normal aging (O my!!! Im getting old!!)
- Persistent mental thoughts or self-arguments debilitate mental make-up (hmmm... this may be patially true)
- Inattentiveness, mind far away from the actual physical surroundings (aheheh.. my mind is with him...)
- Habit of repeating the same mistakes again and again; do not learn from past experiences. (Does this mean, mistakes in your love life?)
- Persistent Depression - causing forgetfulness and lack of concentration. (hmmm... I get depress sometimes but not persistent!)
- Anxiety (oh yeah!)
- Other Emotional problems, tendency towards concealing grief, mental torture, fear, desperation, pessimism, impatience behavior, terror, panic, after effect of shock etc. (hmmm... could be...)
- Always thinks of the past and dwell upon past regrets and sorrows (swak na swak!!!)
In short, it has something to do with Negative Emotions. Emotional Imbalance.This is caused more by emotional than physical. Example given were bad relationship, poor self image, a history of abuse, stress, frustration. These may be some of the factors that change your overall attitude towards life which may directly impede your overall performance. Such tendencies are deep-rooted in mind and nurtured by excessive negative emotions.
So to lessen the Negative emotions, we have to psyche up. Balance Emotions. Psyche and shape your innate behaviour in a way to face every life challenge by avoiding pessimistic approach towards life.
And so the game is on... I will work on being optimistic on every thing. Good luck!!!
Good News and Bad News
BAD NEWS
April 20, 2009, on my way home I suddenly realized that I dont have my phone with me. I had to call my friend to check if I left my phone in his car. He dropped me off somewhere in San Pedro since he lives there. But when I called him he said that my phone was not in his car. I panicked!!!
I called my number, it was ringing. But nobody answered it yet. I think it was on third call that someone answered. This was when I realized that I might have dropped my phone while I was walking to ride a jeep or when I was in the jeep. This got me torn.
The guy who had my phone was somewhat incomprehensible. Throughout the conversation, I had questions that were not directly answered. I know somehow that this was a futile attempt to get my phone back but I still insisted. The line got cut off and he never answered my call again.
I went to sleep in tears. I know all of you would agree that cellphone nowadays is a necessity. Although I have spare phones at home, I just cant let go of this phone. Why? Because it is filled with memories. It contains music, pictures and messages from people whom I loved. Aside from that, I just had this phone for 6 months. I havent even paid it up through my friend's credit card. So I was already thinking that I have to pay for the remaining months for nothing. And that I wouldnt be able to get a good phone again. :-(
When I woke up, I received a message from the guy who got my phone. He asked me to meet up with him after his work. So I did. I was keeping my hopes high that he would not deceive me or that this would not be his way of robbing me or something. And so I waited, like an hour. But time didnt bother me since what I just had in mind was to get my phone.
So the GOOD NEWS here was, I was able to retrieve my phone! Unbelievable? I cant believe it my self. This made my realize that still there are people who are honest enough to bring back your stuff. With his good heart, I rewarded him. More than what he expected. I saw the surprise on his face. But I know he deserved it. I would pay that much rather than to buy a new phone. :-)
I hope he is not the last person who has this kind of attitude. I hope there would be more like him. He is rare, I guess. So may God bless him and his family.
April 20, 2009, on my way home I suddenly realized that I dont have my phone with me. I had to call my friend to check if I left my phone in his car. He dropped me off somewhere in San Pedro since he lives there. But when I called him he said that my phone was not in his car. I panicked!!!
I called my number, it was ringing. But nobody answered it yet. I think it was on third call that someone answered. This was when I realized that I might have dropped my phone while I was walking to ride a jeep or when I was in the jeep. This got me torn.
The guy who had my phone was somewhat incomprehensible. Throughout the conversation, I had questions that were not directly answered. I know somehow that this was a futile attempt to get my phone back but I still insisted. The line got cut off and he never answered my call again.
I went to sleep in tears. I know all of you would agree that cellphone nowadays is a necessity. Although I have spare phones at home, I just cant let go of this phone. Why? Because it is filled with memories. It contains music, pictures and messages from people whom I loved. Aside from that, I just had this phone for 6 months. I havent even paid it up through my friend's credit card. So I was already thinking that I have to pay for the remaining months for nothing. And that I wouldnt be able to get a good phone again. :-(
When I woke up, I received a message from the guy who got my phone. He asked me to meet up with him after his work. So I did. I was keeping my hopes high that he would not deceive me or that this would not be his way of robbing me or something. And so I waited, like an hour. But time didnt bother me since what I just had in mind was to get my phone.
So the GOOD NEWS here was, I was able to retrieve my phone! Unbelievable? I cant believe it my self. This made my realize that still there are people who are honest enough to bring back your stuff. With his good heart, I rewarded him. More than what he expected. I saw the surprise on his face. But I know he deserved it. I would pay that much rather than to buy a new phone. :-)
I hope he is not the last person who has this kind of attitude. I hope there would be more like him. He is rare, I guess. So may God bless him and his family.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A Snip of my Vacation
From my man. He says its his vision of Paradise. For me it is more than Paradise. It is perfect happiness, with him.
What now?
It has been a week since we have last seen each other. The last time I've felt him. Just a week but it felt like it has been more than a month already.
I can still recall, the last glance at the airport. It was quick. Never had the chance to embrace him though my heart was yearning to hug him tightly. We thought we could still stay longer inside the airport but sadly I cannot go inside. Which I think was better. Because I dont know if I could bare seeing him go. I even hesitated to go with him at the airport but I know he would want my presence, and would want me to be the last person he would see before he boards the plane.
As I turned my back, I felt pain... Pain of being away from the person who have shown me more than what I deserve. My mind kept playing all the good times we shared together and all the "firsts" that I had with him. At the same time, I was thinking what is next after this.
We never failed to keep in touch. I thought he would not be able to keep in touch for some time because of his work but he did! And this really brightened up my day. This somehow keeps me sane as I look forward to his promises...
After a week, I never felt it would be this difficult. I never thought that I would miss him this much. I never thought that I would crave for his presence. I never thought that I would regret not showing more than what I did when we were still together. And I never thought that this would make me realize how much I really love him.
There's a lot of what if's in my mind. There's a lot of answers left unanswered. There's a lot of things I would need to compromise since I chose to be in the relationship.
And I need him to be my side. To assure me that he is here to stay - forever... Inshallah ( In god's will )...
I hope he will be the last page in my colouring book. Where it will not only be me who will put colors in my life but together with him, we will paint our world with bright lights. When I would finally say that the search is over because I finally found the one for me....
"Under the bright sunny sky and over the deep blue sea"
I can still recall, the last glance at the airport. It was quick. Never had the chance to embrace him though my heart was yearning to hug him tightly. We thought we could still stay longer inside the airport but sadly I cannot go inside. Which I think was better. Because I dont know if I could bare seeing him go. I even hesitated to go with him at the airport but I know he would want my presence, and would want me to be the last person he would see before he boards the plane.
As I turned my back, I felt pain... Pain of being away from the person who have shown me more than what I deserve. My mind kept playing all the good times we shared together and all the "firsts" that I had with him. At the same time, I was thinking what is next after this.
We never failed to keep in touch. I thought he would not be able to keep in touch for some time because of his work but he did! And this really brightened up my day. This somehow keeps me sane as I look forward to his promises...
After a week, I never felt it would be this difficult. I never thought that I would miss him this much. I never thought that I would crave for his presence. I never thought that I would regret not showing more than what I did when we were still together. And I never thought that this would make me realize how much I really love him.
There's a lot of what if's in my mind. There's a lot of answers left unanswered. There's a lot of things I would need to compromise since I chose to be in the relationship.
And I need him to be my side. To assure me that he is here to stay - forever... Inshallah ( In god's will )...
I hope he will be the last page in my colouring book. Where it will not only be me who will put colors in my life but together with him, we will paint our world with bright lights. When I would finally say that the search is over because I finally found the one for me....
"Under the bright sunny sky and over the deep blue sea"
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
My Man
I know a lot of you are eager to know a lot about the guy who has recently changed my life. I havent found the time to sit down and share the story since I have a lot of catching up to do at work and at home.
Dating back 2006 was when I first met him. Not personally though. October 16, 2006 according to my diary. After consecutive days of talks over the phone and over the net, I felt he was someone special. Special in the sense that he has different perception in life and has a different approach when it comes to love. I admire his thoughts and I love what he made me feel at that time.
This inspired me to write this - Nov 1, 2006
MY MAN
it has been my fervent desire
to wake up each morning
and see your face beside me,
assuring me of your love and
your endless faith.
to close my eyes in the middle of the night
with your lips close to mine
that will seal the promise
of this new found love.
to walk the along the shore
with your hands with mine,
comforting my heart's desire
that you are mine forever.
to hear your voice every now and then
and give me the courage to go on with life,
telling me that im all that u desire
and the one who will complete u.
to feel the warth of your embrace
when the night starts to get cold
reassuring me that im finally home
with the one ive waited for... my man.
My heart was vulnerable. And I guess throughout those days I felt that we could be more than just friends. Since I was in the state of wanting to feel loved, we tried to be more than what we were. But it didnt last that long. He has his own reasons. At that time I might have not really understood his reasons but I didnt have much of a choice but just to let it go.
Months had passed, years had gone. We managed to live our lives the way it should. But he never failed to keep in touch. We treated each other like good friends. If you would be looking back at my posts in this blog, you would see a literary piece and a video that he had made for me. He knows everything that happened to me. He was even there when I broke my heart again. He called me up and I remember bursting in tears. Never had I thought that he still feels something special for me.
Til this year.
I dont know if it's God' will. Or if its just the right time. We started talking again. Just like the old times. He planned to take a vacation here in the country. Being a friend, I felt glad that we would finally see each other for real. I would finally see the man that I fell in love with. And being with him, would prove what kind of friendship we can keep between us.
It would be hypocrite of me not to say that I never felt something special during those times. A voice was telling me that this guy was trying to be kind and sweet. I was even thinking if there would be a chance that he would like me the way he used to. But I shove the thoughts off. I dont want to keep my hopes high and end up disappointing my self for wanting more than what is on the line.
But he has his own way... He planned the vacation with me. And before the planned had been finalized, he wrote this in his blog:
WAS I ASLEEP? HAD I SLEPT?
open your eyes...open your eyeeeees...I don't know why those words stuck inside my busy mind since the last time I saw Tom Cruise movie...Vanilla Sky ...actually the movie was enigmatic but the voice of Penelope Cruz when she said those magical words open your eyeeees was really fascinating those words rings inside my busy mind higher than mosques Minarets and stronger than Churches bells...
I waited since the last time you said hello ... I waited for you to strike my sense when I open the doors of my mind...maybe the recalcitrance's inside my mind disobeys the ordinary life...or maybe your hello will be my life's promising dance with you.
sometimes I think you are just in my imagination... I am not fastidious...I am and hundred of times...I am complex simplicity.
Time is short And I am sure...There must be something more...Things will never be the same...There is no living life again.
You met me at a very strange time in my life.
When I first read this, my heart was in awe. Any girl will be moved by his lines and his every word. And what I have in my mind then was, this girl must be very lucky to have him for a lover. Again, I shove the thought that it could be me.
Then one day, while having our usual conversation, we were talking about this piece. Thats when he told me that it was for me! I was like, "What?!!!" Thats when I realized how he planned for all these.
How can I let go of a man like him? How could I be clueless of his real intentions? How could I ignore his sincere effort to win me back? How could I not believe that he is here to stay in my heart for good? And how could I not love a man who has been doing the work to make me happy?
"From aircraft to aircraft,
from hotel to another hotel,
from an island to another island,
I love you"
I remember him saying this to me and I was really touched. All throughout the vacation, he never failed to prove to me that he loves me. He shares his thoughts and his plans about us. These flatter me a lot. And I cant just wait for all these to come true.
Dating back 2006 was when I first met him. Not personally though. October 16, 2006 according to my diary. After consecutive days of talks over the phone and over the net, I felt he was someone special. Special in the sense that he has different perception in life and has a different approach when it comes to love. I admire his thoughts and I love what he made me feel at that time.
This inspired me to write this - Nov 1, 2006
MY MAN
it has been my fervent desire
to wake up each morning
and see your face beside me,
assuring me of your love and
your endless faith.
to close my eyes in the middle of the night
with your lips close to mine
that will seal the promise
of this new found love.
to walk the along the shore
with your hands with mine,
comforting my heart's desire
that you are mine forever.
to hear your voice every now and then
and give me the courage to go on with life,
telling me that im all that u desire
and the one who will complete u.
to feel the warth of your embrace
when the night starts to get cold
reassuring me that im finally home
with the one ive waited for... my man.
My heart was vulnerable. And I guess throughout those days I felt that we could be more than just friends. Since I was in the state of wanting to feel loved, we tried to be more than what we were. But it didnt last that long. He has his own reasons. At that time I might have not really understood his reasons but I didnt have much of a choice but just to let it go.
Months had passed, years had gone. We managed to live our lives the way it should. But he never failed to keep in touch. We treated each other like good friends. If you would be looking back at my posts in this blog, you would see a literary piece and a video that he had made for me. He knows everything that happened to me. He was even there when I broke my heart again. He called me up and I remember bursting in tears. Never had I thought that he still feels something special for me.
Til this year.
I dont know if it's God' will. Or if its just the right time. We started talking again. Just like the old times. He planned to take a vacation here in the country. Being a friend, I felt glad that we would finally see each other for real. I would finally see the man that I fell in love with. And being with him, would prove what kind of friendship we can keep between us.
It would be hypocrite of me not to say that I never felt something special during those times. A voice was telling me that this guy was trying to be kind and sweet. I was even thinking if there would be a chance that he would like me the way he used to. But I shove the thoughts off. I dont want to keep my hopes high and end up disappointing my self for wanting more than what is on the line.
But he has his own way... He planned the vacation with me. And before the planned had been finalized, he wrote this in his blog:
WAS I ASLEEP? HAD I SLEPT?
open your eyes...open your eyeeeees...I don't know why those words stuck inside my busy mind since the last time I saw Tom Cruise movie...Vanilla Sky ...actually the movie was enigmatic but the voice of Penelope Cruz when she said those magical words open your eyeeees was really fascinating those words rings inside my busy mind higher than mosques Minarets and stronger than Churches bells...
I waited since the last time you said hello ... I waited for you to strike my sense when I open the doors of my mind...maybe the recalcitrance's inside my mind disobeys the ordinary life...or maybe your hello will be my life's promising dance with you.
sometimes I think you are just in my imagination... I am not fastidious...I am and hundred of times...I am complex simplicity.
Time is short And I am sure...There must be something more...Things will never be the same...There is no living life again.
You met me at a very strange time in my life.
When I first read this, my heart was in awe. Any girl will be moved by his lines and his every word. And what I have in my mind then was, this girl must be very lucky to have him for a lover. Again, I shove the thought that it could be me.
Then one day, while having our usual conversation, we were talking about this piece. Thats when he told me that it was for me! I was like, "What?!!!" Thats when I realized how he planned for all these.
How can I let go of a man like him? How could I be clueless of his real intentions? How could I ignore his sincere effort to win me back? How could I not believe that he is here to stay in my heart for good? And how could I not love a man who has been doing the work to make me happy?
"From aircraft to aircraft,
from hotel to another hotel,
from an island to another island,
I love you"
I remember him saying this to me and I was really touched. All throughout the vacation, he never failed to prove to me that he loves me. He shares his thoughts and his plans about us. These flatter me a lot. And I cant just wait for all these to come true.
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