I havent had a good birthday celebration for the last 9 years... Maybe because I'm no longer into having one. This year I ended up having lunch with 2 of my closest friends and just bought a new pair of shoes as a gift for my self.
Yeah, I didnt receive any gift, neither from my closest friends nor from my family. Its just an up and go I guess. My family has been through a lot recently that I understood why they have forgotten my birthday (literally, yeah...). Well that is also the reason why I didnt intend to celebrate... There were a lot of things we had to focus on rather than having a party.
Im getting scared... thats what I feel right now. Scared of what life would bring me, my family. Whats more in this life that I have to endure? Would I really be growing old alone with my kid? Am I really bound to be a single parent my entire life? Am I not goin to have someone to share the ups and downs of having a family?
Could it be I'm not really ready to have a family of my own, thats why its not given to me yet? Could it be that it would be more difficult for me to live with someone? Or am I really bound to eternal singleness?
I know I still have to wait... forgive me for ranting...
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