It has already been a week since we called it off. A week full of tears, full of bitterness, full of anger, full of hope and I may say full of stupidity. It was tough, not hard. It was painful like I've never experienced before. Knowing that what I have believed as my life, has left.... for good.
I know people would not understand what I'm going through because they have lived their lives with someone who has understood them all most of the time. They have been accepted for all the flaws that they have. They have been loved greatly by their significant others. It is easy for them to say that I should move on. That I will find someone better. That I dont deserve him in the first place.
But how could you say that?
I know people would not understand what I'm going through because they have lived their lives with someone who has understood them all most of the time. They have been accepted for all the flaws that they have. They have been loved greatly by their significant others. It is easy for them to say that I should move on. That I will find someone better. That I dont deserve him in the first place.
But how could you say that?
Do you know how I have gambled my feelings for this relationship to work? Do you know how I have managed to change for the better just to be someone he could be proud of? Do you know how what he did just to make me happy? Do you know how happy I am with him, even in thoughts? Do you know that no one has made me this happy in my entire life?
If your answers to these questions are NO, then you don't really understand what I'm going through.
I have kept all the pain inside me till today. I chose not to dwell on my feelings. I chose not to show that I'm hurting greatly inside. I tried not to reveal how weak I am when it comes to this. I have deceived all of you. Pretending that I am strong, pretending that I am ok, pretending that I am moving on. But you know what... I am not.....
Thats why all these days, you see my looking at my cellphone most of the time. I am waiting for a message from him. Hoping that he might be thinking of me. I look at my phone to reminisce the good times that we've had. I browse through the pictures and the messages that he has sent me. Doesnt it feel good to go back to those days when everything seems to be perfect?
All these days, you've seen me looking at afar. Thinking deeply. Trying to deliberate on what should have been. What I should have done. Trying to think what good it may have been to still have him in my life. How his thoughts and his words has inspired me a lot to be better. How we have managed to make each other feel good. That despite the distance, our love will keep us together.
Call me stupid. But I still love him. I dont know how and what makes me feel this way for him. All I know is that he is different. He is special. Even if he has left I feel that my heart still belongs to him. I cant look to any other guys, because in my thoughts and in my heart I know I have already found the man for me. I have greatly loved him and I cant think of any other guys to make me feel the way that he did. He has set a standard in my life. And I think that standard cannot be surpassed by anyone.
It pains me... very very very much. I cant think of any day without a tear in my face. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that things would change, that we will be back together. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that I can go to his country and surprise him. Just to prove how much I love him. I cant think of any day that I have not thought how I miss his kisses and his embraces. I swear to god, I cant let go. All this time, its still his face, his touch, his words, his promises that I yearn for.
Why does it have to end this way? Where is his promise of forever? He said you have no second thoughts, but why did we end up apart? Are all those lies? Are all those just flattery? Didnt you really mean a word you said?
God please take away the pain.... Or am I really cursed to be in pain?
If your answers to these questions are NO, then you don't really understand what I'm going through.
I have kept all the pain inside me till today. I chose not to dwell on my feelings. I chose not to show that I'm hurting greatly inside. I tried not to reveal how weak I am when it comes to this. I have deceived all of you. Pretending that I am strong, pretending that I am ok, pretending that I am moving on. But you know what... I am not.....
Thats why all these days, you see my looking at my cellphone most of the time. I am waiting for a message from him. Hoping that he might be thinking of me. I look at my phone to reminisce the good times that we've had. I browse through the pictures and the messages that he has sent me. Doesnt it feel good to go back to those days when everything seems to be perfect?
All these days, you've seen me looking at afar. Thinking deeply. Trying to deliberate on what should have been. What I should have done. Trying to think what good it may have been to still have him in my life. How his thoughts and his words has inspired me a lot to be better. How we have managed to make each other feel good. That despite the distance, our love will keep us together.
Call me stupid. But I still love him. I dont know how and what makes me feel this way for him. All I know is that he is different. He is special. Even if he has left I feel that my heart still belongs to him. I cant look to any other guys, because in my thoughts and in my heart I know I have already found the man for me. I have greatly loved him and I cant think of any other guys to make me feel the way that he did. He has set a standard in my life. And I think that standard cannot be surpassed by anyone.
It pains me... very very very much. I cant think of any day without a tear in my face. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that things would change, that we will be back together. I cant think of any day that I have not wished that I can go to his country and surprise him. Just to prove how much I love him. I cant think of any day that I have not thought how I miss his kisses and his embraces. I swear to god, I cant let go. All this time, its still his face, his touch, his words, his promises that I yearn for.
Why does it have to end this way? Where is his promise of forever? He said you have no second thoughts, but why did we end up apart? Are all those lies? Are all those just flattery? Didnt you really mean a word you said?
God please take away the pain.... Or am I really cursed to be in pain?
No comments:
Post a Comment