Heartbreaks and promises,

I’ve had more than my share

I’m tired of giving my love and getting nowhere, nowhere

What I need is somebody

who really cares I really need a lover,

a lover who wants to be there

It’s been so long since I touched a wanting hand

I can’t put my love on the line, that I hope you’ll understand

He is Out of My Life

I am not a big fan of MJ. But I think it was just a coincidence that at the time of his passing, I am also grieving. The mood of the song and its message apt to my currecnt stand. Melancholic....

She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
And I Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don't Know Whether To Live Or Die
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

[2nd Verse]
It's Out Of My Hands
It's Out Of My Hands
To Think For Two Years She Was Here
And I Took Her For Granted I Was So Cavalier
Now The Way That It Stands
She's Out Of My Hands

[Bridge]
So I've Learned That Love's Not Possession
And I've Learned That Love Won't Wait
Now I've Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

[3rd Verse]
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
Damned Indecision And Cursed Pride
Kept My Love For Her Locked Deep Inside
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life


People come and people go. Some would come to make you happy. Some would come to teach you a lesson. Some would also play tricks on you. And there are also some who would leave a wound whose scar would never heal.This scar would never be seen by anyone, because it is in the heart. Which is responsible for your existence. And if the heart is wounded, tell me how could be my existence be complete?

(MJ looks like my ex in this video, which adds more to the sting)

My Final Dance

“It is not DESTINY that determines love. It is CHOICE – to keep it, to fight for it and to work for it and sadly to set each other free”



After a month of fights and rocky roads we have finally decided to halt and put a stop to the dream. Yes, friends. We are now over. I know I have been so very proud of this relationship and I have been bragging on how this was different. But sorry to disappoint everyone, especially him. It was never meant to last.

I thought that the search is over. I thought that finally, I have met the man I would be growing old with. I thought that the dream of me being his wife would become a reality, in the near future. And I really thought that our love would conquer all.

All through out the relationship, both of us had our own things to say. I myself am guilty of the fact that sometimes I fall short of understanding him and had been way demanding than what is expected. He would also say that I have not given him the trust and the respect that he deserves. I guess all relationships have all these flaws, but then again what matters is what you have for each other.

We have given it another shot. Yes, we almost broke off in the early part of June ,the reason why I have been out of my normal existence during that time. The reason why I was not able to attend my previous TSL’s birthday. (Edsie, now you know. Again, I’m sorry) I chose not to show and tell everyone about it because I was still hoping at that time that we would be able to fix it. I honestly tried to conceal the pain. But you really couldn’t hide it from your close friends. Still I tried to pretend that I was okay. After a couple of days, we were back again. This time I have sworn to give everything I have just to make things work. Because I have this thought that since this was what I want I have to work hard for it.

It should have worked that way. It should have just been a part of our past and would still continue to fight for our love. But he gave up. Just like that. (God I don’t know how to write more sentence without a tear running down my face!) I had pleaded, not only one time. But I guess, he has now realized how I was so undeserving of his love. How I would always end up accusing him and treating him indifferently. He had thought hard that I had never reciprocated from all the things that he did for me.


Why wouldn’t I want him? He is special. He is different. He had given me time even if he didn’t have time. He appreciates every inch of me. From my hair down to my feet. He has treated me in a way that no one has ever treated me. He has done a lot of things to me, even if we were still friends. He has become my confidant and my number one fan. He made me feel good about my self even if I don’t. He has even inspired me to write about happy things in my life. He has loved me… but I guess not enough to last more than three months.

It was not meant to last. Maybe it wasn’t the right person to fall in love with. Maybe it was wrong to even have given it a chance. Maybe it was love on my part but not on his. Maybe I am really destined to be alone. Maybe I really can’t handle a relationship without the doubts, the questions and the bad thoughts about my partner. Maybe I really suck…

How could it be wrong when it felt so right?

Who would have thought the last kiss I gave him was the last? Who would have thought that the last time that I was with him would never happen again? Who would have thought that I would never feel his tight embrace ever again? Who would have thought that I would never glance on his eyes again?

Just the thought that he would be giving his words to another woman pains me. I love his words. I love how he flatters through his writings. And I know every girl will be knocked off her feet when he starts to write about his feelings for her. I would miss this. I would miss his poems. I would miss the nights that I have to rush home to be with him even thru chat. I will miss those days that I would prefer not to go out just so that I can be with him. And I will miss writing, because I lost my inspiration. My words are now barren without him.

I have given my full loyalty and love. God knows how much. I don’t even know if there would still be a chance for me to love that much ever. This for me is the grandest love. And I never have thought it would be this fast. I have seen my life ahead with him. Not just 5 years or 10 years but the rest of my life. I have made plans for us. But I guess, planning is really something I shouldn’t be doing because most often than not, it ends up being the other way around.

Still I would be hoping that there is still a chance to make up. After all, this is my last and final dance. Our dance moves may have not go along but the tune of love should be our guide. Still I hope you have not given up on us that easily. Because I really, really love you.


So here I am. Back to zero.

Back To Me...

I lost you once
It didn't hurt that much
Because back then
I didn't spend time with you.
I didn't see you.
I didn't feel you.

Back then...
We never made plans
We never thought much about us
We never felt each other's presence
We never got intimate
We never danced the tune of love.

But that day came...
A day I never thought would come.
The day that you've proven your love
The day that I felt your sincerity
The day that I felt how it is to be loved
The day that I unlocked my heart to you again.

I may have not deserve this love
I may not be the perfect partner
I may not be able to fulfill all your wishes
I may not be always be the woman of your dreams
I may not sound pleasing always

But I love you
And thats all that matters to me now.
Now that you're back
I wouldn't let you go again...
No... you won't.
I am keeping my promise.
Forever.

Their First Year Together

A year has passed and they have conquered. They may have the worst and may have their happiest. What matters is that they chose to be together throught thick and thin. May they always be blessed with love and understanding. Happy anniversary Mom Angie and Dad Bill!

My beautiful Mom (like mother like daughter,right?)


The special man in my mom's life


The couple - Mr. and Mrs. Bill Riley


Me - the daughter and the stepdaugher

Me and my son, Asejia

Still me and my son

Alych and Grace (our angel)

Alych and Asejia

My family

I wonder if I would also have mine to celebrate, waaahhhh!!!

What Month Is It?!!!

It's the middle of the year already!
Have you noticed that? How time flies?
How it cheats you to wait for a particular month but in a blink of an eye it's here?
How you have prayed for a month to come but soon after it arrives you would've wished it wasn't that fast?

How you have wished that January wouldn't come since it would mean the start of another year?

How you have wished that February wouldn't come so that you wouldn't feel lonely that you don't have a date on Valentine's Day?

How you have wished that March wouldn't come since it would mark the end of the school year, and for some would mean goodbye to friends?

How you have wished that April and May wouldn't come so that taking a vacation would be the least of your priorities?

How you have wished that June and July wouldn't come since it's school time again and budgeting would be at its tightest?

How you have wished that August wouldn't come since it would add another number
to your age?

How you have wished that BER months (SeptemBER, OctoBER, NovemBER and DecemBER)wouldn't come since it's holiday once again - time for gift giving (yehey!! to the receiver, ouch!! to the sender), time for bonuses (yehey!! to employees, ouch!! to employers), time for bumper to bumper traffic (ouch!! for everyone), time for Christmas parties and reunions everywhere (yehey!!! for everyone, I guess). And so on and so forth...

I am not ranting. I am just surprised. Really am. I am near the most dreaded age for women... but still looking 25!!! Ahahahah!!!!

*Wink

What Would I End Up With???

Facebook has just given me this idea. I created a set of questionnaire to test people how well they know me. And this particular question popped in my mind.

"If I'm not what I am right now, what would I be?"

Then suddenly, I started thinking... Honga noh. What could I be right now if I'm not working as a phone banker.

I got some options:

Band Vocalist. This is really my interest. I love singing. I still love to sing although I dont really find time to sing nowadays. This actually opened the doors for me to go to other country. Thats why Im thankful for the talent. But could it be a good option? I dont think so. Once you're contract is done in this country, you would need to go home. Not unless they would be extending your contract. But when you get home here, you would need to check hotels and bars who would likely need your service. Lucky for you if you will get 5 days of the week booked. But the rate would only range from Php500 to Php700 per night.

Teacher. I tried teaching since I was in my 2nd year in college. After I graduated, I continued my profession for like 3 years. I like the sense of authority it brings. I also like the respect that everybody is giving me. Parents would call me "Ma'am" even if they are older than me. And every time there is a party, I would be prioritized.. I would be served first. But I remember that my gross pay is like the total tax that I'm paying with the current job that I have. So, no way!!!

Businesswoman. My mom is trying to influence me to do sidelines at work. But I really dont have time to make "alok". Plus, I dont have that convincing power, believe me! I dont even have that charm to persuade buyers. I'm not even good at rebuttals. We used to have a boutiqu and when I would be assigned to man the store, I would end up having just one sale or worst none. So, another no way!

Housewife. This is a big no no. I dont like just staying at home. I am not as domesticated as I was before. I mean, I can clean the house, I can cook, I can do household chores but doing it everyday would not be productive for me. Not to discount housewives, ok? But I guess I know Im born not just to be a housewife. I like to earn my money and be able to buy things I like without asking money from my partner. No need to explain why I need this and what I would need it for. :P

To sum it up, I guess I'm doing better with what I am doing currently. I cant be thankful enough for having this job which sustains my son's education and a little of our needs and a bit of my wants. So thank you for the outsourcing business!!!

"Network" Fail

Minsan akala ko, talagang may sira lang ang S** Network. Nangyayari naman kase talaga na kung hindi delayed ang messages ko e, di ako macontact kapag tinatawagan ako. What I would usually do is refresh my phone. Since I used to work with one of the network providers in the U.S., I know how to do the basic troubleshooting. So pagtapos ng troubleshooting, saka magpapasukan ang mga messages.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of refreshing on my phone. Turn off, remove batteries, put it back and turn it on. But guess what, wala pa ring messages!!!! Walang nagtetext sa akin! Un pagaakala kong sira ang phone ko eh, hindi pala. Talagang walang nagtetext sa akin!!! Waaahhh!!!

Text nyo naman ako!!!

Dear Life

Dear Life,

Surely you have seen me grow for the last 28 years of my life. You have seen me when I am happy, when I shed tears, when I am hurt, when I fall in love, when I fail, when I succeed, when I succumb and when I feel hopeless.

You have pointed me in this direction, though I may not understand the reason. You have challenged me on things that you know I am weak at. You even have laughed at me even when you saw me crawling and hanging at the last string of hope I have. You have pushed me harder even if you know that I'm already giving up. And even have taken away some of the things that you know I am happy with.

While others get what they want without exerting a slightest muscle, here I am... trying to bear all that I can.

Is this really how you play your game?

Where is the "What you reap is what you sow" thingie?

Where is the good karma that every body else is talking about?

Hate this...