My Final Dance

“It is not DESTINY that determines love. It is CHOICE – to keep it, to fight for it and to work for it and sadly to set each other free”



After a month of fights and rocky roads we have finally decided to halt and put a stop to the dream. Yes, friends. We are now over. I know I have been so very proud of this relationship and I have been bragging on how this was different. But sorry to disappoint everyone, especially him. It was never meant to last.

I thought that the search is over. I thought that finally, I have met the man I would be growing old with. I thought that the dream of me being his wife would become a reality, in the near future. And I really thought that our love would conquer all.

All through out the relationship, both of us had our own things to say. I myself am guilty of the fact that sometimes I fall short of understanding him and had been way demanding than what is expected. He would also say that I have not given him the trust and the respect that he deserves. I guess all relationships have all these flaws, but then again what matters is what you have for each other.

We have given it another shot. Yes, we almost broke off in the early part of June ,the reason why I have been out of my normal existence during that time. The reason why I was not able to attend my previous TSL’s birthday. (Edsie, now you know. Again, I’m sorry) I chose not to show and tell everyone about it because I was still hoping at that time that we would be able to fix it. I honestly tried to conceal the pain. But you really couldn’t hide it from your close friends. Still I tried to pretend that I was okay. After a couple of days, we were back again. This time I have sworn to give everything I have just to make things work. Because I have this thought that since this was what I want I have to work hard for it.

It should have worked that way. It should have just been a part of our past and would still continue to fight for our love. But he gave up. Just like that. (God I don’t know how to write more sentence without a tear running down my face!) I had pleaded, not only one time. But I guess, he has now realized how I was so undeserving of his love. How I would always end up accusing him and treating him indifferently. He had thought hard that I had never reciprocated from all the things that he did for me.


Why wouldn’t I want him? He is special. He is different. He had given me time even if he didn’t have time. He appreciates every inch of me. From my hair down to my feet. He has treated me in a way that no one has ever treated me. He has done a lot of things to me, even if we were still friends. He has become my confidant and my number one fan. He made me feel good about my self even if I don’t. He has even inspired me to write about happy things in my life. He has loved me… but I guess not enough to last more than three months.

It was not meant to last. Maybe it wasn’t the right person to fall in love with. Maybe it was wrong to even have given it a chance. Maybe it was love on my part but not on his. Maybe I am really destined to be alone. Maybe I really can’t handle a relationship without the doubts, the questions and the bad thoughts about my partner. Maybe I really suck…

How could it be wrong when it felt so right?

Who would have thought the last kiss I gave him was the last? Who would have thought that the last time that I was with him would never happen again? Who would have thought that I would never feel his tight embrace ever again? Who would have thought that I would never glance on his eyes again?

Just the thought that he would be giving his words to another woman pains me. I love his words. I love how he flatters through his writings. And I know every girl will be knocked off her feet when he starts to write about his feelings for her. I would miss this. I would miss his poems. I would miss the nights that I have to rush home to be with him even thru chat. I will miss those days that I would prefer not to go out just so that I can be with him. And I will miss writing, because I lost my inspiration. My words are now barren without him.

I have given my full loyalty and love. God knows how much. I don’t even know if there would still be a chance for me to love that much ever. This for me is the grandest love. And I never have thought it would be this fast. I have seen my life ahead with him. Not just 5 years or 10 years but the rest of my life. I have made plans for us. But I guess, planning is really something I shouldn’t be doing because most often than not, it ends up being the other way around.

Still I would be hoping that there is still a chance to make up. After all, this is my last and final dance. Our dance moves may have not go along but the tune of love should be our guide. Still I hope you have not given up on us that easily. Because I really, really love you.


So here I am. Back to zero.